Friday, December 31, 2010

Okay, people... does someone have to hit you with a bat?


I can't believe some of the comments posted to Youtube after this was uploaded. Denial is not a river in Egypt.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Found this

Their hurting and their hunger is the measure of their need
And the manner of our giving is the measure of our deed.
The growing need for caring is the measure of our task
And the little you can give them is the little that I ask.

I figured it's worth repeating now, rather than wait until the new year. There's always still time to do something.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

aaaagggghhh!

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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.

The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "It's Frank. The midget."

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Friday, December 24, 2010

SOGDI

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No that's not a random verification word. It's shorthand for Some Other Guy Did It, which is a variation of some other dude did it, which is the first thing cops hear from a perp.

Now, what was I saying here?

Oh yeah. There are a few posts around and about that have to do with the current holiday(s). A couple of them are just links to other posts [I won't name the lazy lumps individuals who took that shortcut.
I went out and found some Christmas stuff of my own. Well, actually I copied it from other places that had in turn stolen them.

If anyone finds these offensive... I'm sorry.

Now take some time, sit back, play these in order from top to bottom, and enjoy.








Merry Christmas
I'll see ya'll sometime next week

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Extra!

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Thank goodness for the TSA and their ever vigilant employees. They caught this threat.

Sure Happy It's Thursday

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
  • A half-gallon of 2% milk
  • A carton of eggs
  • A quart of orange juice
  • A head of lettuce
  • A 2 lb. can of coffee
  • A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status..

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said, 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

This is not a true story and it will not give you the chills

My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"

My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."

Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday grumble

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I was looking at an item on the web about the public's perceptions of Congress, specifically, why we love to hate it. There were more comments than I wanted to read. But among the sampling I did read job creation was one of the things that some folks felt they wanted Congress to handle.
I really don't think that is such a wise idea. It seems to me we already have too many people working for the government. What we really need are more folks working in the private sector, earning money so we can afford to pay those working for the government.
Here, in my neck of the woods, government is the largest employer and it is going broke. They have tried to resolve the problem by raising fees and taxes. But they can't pass a tax increase and every time the fees are raised fewer folks find a need to do whatever the fee is for. The local government has attempted to reduce costs by eliminating jobs. But even though employees claim they're not paid wages comparable to the private sector, they don't want to seek private employment.
I think what we need in our government, especially Congress, are out best and brightest, rather than the folks who are so inept that couldn't get a real job. About the only thing they're good at is posturing and rhetoric.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Love the dog

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This is the video I mentioned on Friday
video

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

This just in

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I was wondering what to post today, when one of my email correspondents sent me this. I just had to share.

A Cup of Tea ~

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set'
as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I
brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several
cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.

My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure
enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she
watched him drink it up.


Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to
you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"



As you can see I posted it exactly as it was emailed.
This same correspondent also sent me a video I may share.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dang!

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The really good stuff is all gone. I haven't found any of the items I wanted to get for others because the local retailers are out of stock and don't expect more until who knows when. All the big city retailers have the stuff. But we're talking major change in the game plan to deal with that.
I lay the cause of this to the holiday sales starting in October. I say holiday because the folks like me, who celebrate Christmas, aren't alone in giving gifts this time of year.
Some of our local places shelves look pretty empty. Worse, some of the shopping areas have more vacancies than stores. So it looks like there will have to be a Plan B this year. The grocery store has onions on sale. Does anyone know where I can get some coal?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Christmas Shopping

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I used to think I hated Christmas shopping. That's not the case, though. It's not the task I dislike. It's the being out among others that's the challenge.
I guess it's not just limited to shopping, either. There's a whole dynamic involved. It is only a few folks who really mess it up for everyone else and they manage to do it royally. For example, I was down by the post office, where there is only on-street parallel parking. Usually there are 8-10 parking spots. However, in this particular instance two individuals had managed to park in such a manner that theirs were the only vehicles able to fit within the space allotted.
Sometimes it is the store employees who make life difficult during the season. I was in the local branch of a certain Arkansas based superstore. The first thing I noticed is that most of the employees on the floor made every effort to avoid eye contact, appearing to be in a rush to somewhere else... well, except for the greeter and the checker.
Another thing in the same store. As I sought the item I wanted to buy, I heard a phone begin to ring, and ring... and ring. So I looked to see where it was coming from. It was in the cell-phone department, where two employees were blissfully ignoring the ringing, which continued for almost a full minute.
BTW - I never did find the item I was looking for, not could I get the attention of anyone to help me.
We used to have local businesses, who carried the merchandise I needed and who were more than willing to assist a customer. But they were unable to compete with the superstore.
I seem to have become invisible. On another occasion, I was with my wife, walking through a store, when another person... I think it was a customer... stepped in from the side, blocking my path, and began walking alongside my wife.
The Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, is asking those who "see something, say something." But the only contact number given is 911... maybe next time.
The drivers on the road aren't much better. But at least so far they are remembering the rules of the road and staying to the right.
Oh! And hey! There's the only other place in town to buy groceries. There seems to be some kind of war going on among the beverage (beer & soft drink) distributors. It is virtually impossible to take a food basket down some of the aisles because they are blocked by floor displays and idiots confused customers who don't know whether to take items from the shelf or from the display.
I much prefer shopping to be a "hands on" experience. But I certainly understand why so many folks find it simpler to do it online.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

.

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the doctor."

Monday, December 13, 2010

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In this world of hi-tech gadgetry I've noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

Those of you who fall into this world, please take note of the statement below. I cannot stress enough how grammar is very important to it.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Is everybody clear on that?


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Be careful what you wish for

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A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said," I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish and decided, "I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
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Saturday, December 11, 2010

No Christmas in DC This Year

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There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol. A search for a Virgin continues. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.


...and that's the way it is....

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sure Happy It's Thursday

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Follow-up...

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...to yesterday's missive:

Did you know that Canada's population is kinda like crumbs in the bottom of a Zip-Loc bag?
About 90% of them are at the bottom edge.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I wonder

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If we change the name from United States of America to Baja Canada, will others like us better?

Monday, December 6, 2010

Thought for today

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and maybe for the rest of time:

If men are from Mars, and
Women are from Venus, then
Government folks must be from Uranus.

A Different Christmas Poem

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Bonus post

.

I think these 2 pictures make some kind of statement!



Here is what Obama needs set up to talk to a few school children. Not much room for kids. Still needs to have the Teleprompters. The secret service guy in back keeps eyes out for any terrorist-type-8-year-olds with tea partying parents. Notice he had to have his own oval rug ?


Here's what the last guy needed.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Some may have noticed

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There is no waste of time like that of making explanations?
--- Benjamin Disraeli


I haven't published any original stuff here in quite awhile... mainly because by the time I get around to it, I have forgotten what it was. Besides this blog never would have appeared had it not been for a challenge from Carolina. It was she who said something like, "So why don't you?"
There's a certainty that everyone knows Ivan Toblog (aka IT) is a nom de plume or nom de guerre, as the case may be, solely for the purpose of commenting on others blogs and lurking. I like being able to yank your chain more or less anonymously. I find it absolutely astounding that there are 25 followers (that's what the dashboard says) and it's amazing that somehow I have managed almost a post a day since I started. Of course, very little of it is original, and what is original lacks much substance. But, what the hey, it's an outlet. I can let off steam here, and I do.
I appreciate those who stop by, even more those who comment, but mostly those who put a lot of thought and effort into their blogs.

I'm guessing I will keep posting stuff that tickles my fancy and occasionally may post something original. But mostly I will surf the blogosphere and comment occasionally.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Hope you all enjoy ghost stories

IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by.
The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.

John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door... only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.

The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel.

John , paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying... and wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John , were also soaked and out of breath.

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other,

"Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it!"

Thursday, December 2, 2010

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This conversation might have taken place in my house.
Well, maybe all but the wine budget part.

Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right