Saturday, December 31, 2011

(the seventh day of Christmas)

_

We went for a little drive



the full screen (and sound) version is HERE
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Friday, December 30, 2011

(the sixth day of Christmas)


We went for party supplies:

Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”
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Saturday, December 24, 2011

WARNING


WARNING for older men! Clever Scam...warn your friends!! This is very serious stuff!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the malls and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the holiday’s get closer. This is a 'heads up' for those men... who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or WaLmart customers. This one caught me bysurprise.

Over the last couple weeks I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get some simple Christmas gifts has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car dressed as Santa’s Helpers as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start helping you pack your stuff into your vehicle. What catches your eye is the very short bright Red Santa helper miniskirts they are wearing and the tight fitting Deep “V” neck red top shirt with their breasts almost falling out. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds to get some hot cocoa and a snack.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen twice in November, and again on Dec 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, at least three times a week since and very likely again today.

So tell your friends to be careful!! What a horrible way to take advantage of older men during this holiday season. Warn your friends to be vigilant. These girls will not give up, they have proven it over and over again with me.

By the way, Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones at Wal-Mart for $1.99 and bought them out. Also, you will never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 14 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam's Club, Wal-Mart, and Target.

So please, send this along to all the older men that you know, and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
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Thursday, December 22, 2011

About bumper stickers


I heard somewhere that drivers of cars with bumper stickers tend to be more aggressive than those without



Merry Christmas anyway
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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Subject: 2-2-2012


In the coming New Year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.

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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Even more brutal

When Is Drunk TOO Drunk?


Two buddies, Fred and Jerry, were getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Jerry throws up all over himself.
'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'


Fred says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast
pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you
twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.


Eventually Jerry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're disgusting!'


Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Jerry says,
Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only
had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one
too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry
sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'


His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'


'Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

Sunday, December 18, 2011

World travelers with smartphones...


I found this in my inbox this morning. I am grateful the individual who sent it is unaware of my blog...




...he does something like this every year
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Saturday, December 17, 2011

People Of Walmart Song | Break.com

.
Not as good as Suldog's

People Of Walmart Song | Break.com

Actually ends at 5:45... if you last that long.
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Friday, December 16, 2011

Hey, sports fans


An elementary teacher starts a new job at a school in Dallas , Texas and was trying to make a good impression on her first day explains to her class that she's a Cowboys fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they too are Cowboy fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm NOT a Cowboys fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Cowboys fan, then whom do you support?"

"I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Well Mary, might you explain why are you a 49ers fan?"

"Because my mom and dad are from San Francisco and my mom is a 49ers fan and my dad is a 49ers fan, so I'm a Niner fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?"

Mary said, "I'd be a RAIDERS fan."

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Thursday, December 15, 2011

'Tis the season

_





Needed these sooner for the video slideshow

Then go check out this link

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I screwed up yesterday


I totally forgot to credit Suldog for the words and music in the video slideshow. Despite that he said some of the nicest things.

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Somebody's tired already

_


I wonder what kind of music they're playing?
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Friday, December 9, 2011

Follow up


The other day we quoted an article about the costs of fighting terrorism. This morning I found out somebody overpaid.




...or maybe they have to pay more for stuff in Michigan?
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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The United States is fighting terrorism - one snow cone at a time.

Montcalm County recently received a $900 Arctic Blast Sno-Cone machine.

The West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission (WMSRDC) is a federal- and state-designated agency responsible for managing and administrating the homeland security program in Montcalm County and 12 other counties.

The WMSRDC recently purchased and transferred homeland security equipment to these counties - including 13 snow cone machines at a total cost of $11,700.


I'm speechless

This is the story

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Monday, December 5, 2011

I will refrain from commenting...

_

Story here

Any comment I make is better left to the imagination of those who know me and my quirky thoughts about certain drivers.
This story bears evidence that my thoughts may not be far from true fact
.
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Friday, December 2, 2011

This seems appropriate

_

Suldog's post yesterday reminded me, again, of this.



The only thing about it that bothers me is I can remember hearing this when it first came out and wearing out the record.
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Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right