Monday, April 30, 2012

April bonus post






Public service announcement



Really!





No... really! It is a public service announcement.

unfortunately you're going to have to click on the fine print to read it.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Yes, I took it down



Blogger took all the fun out of verification words when they went to the new style of word verification a few months back

I have no idea what I'm going to do with my collection. It's not like I could sell them on Ebay


Friday, April 27, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sure Happy It's Thursday



There's another blogger using this title today. I will not give him the satisfaction of providing a link. He thinks he's clever. I'll show him. I'm gonna switch to Tuesday.


We return to the regular stuff posted on this blog:


If Gramps had gone somewhere other than Stanford, he'd've probably paid them off by now.
(It isn't the letterman sweater that gives it away. It's the thumb in his nose)

Uh, oh! I hear thunder.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Saturday Morning



There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.

I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

So I said "Come in and sit down."

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me! Nobody ever let me in before."

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What'd I do?



In the words of Buffalo Springfield, "There's Something Happening Here."



This Blogger hasn't a clue what he did to deserve the increases in pageviews each month.

Is it stuff like this?



or



Anyway, thanks for the interest.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Grumble


About this freaking (yeah you can substitute another two syllable word starting with F and ending with ing) change on Blogger, in the immortal words of Suldog, "The new Blogger interface SUCKS. I've ended up posting this four times before it came out how I wanted it to look, approximately. SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS."

I used to be able to whip out a post in about 40 seconds using HTML and I knew how it would appear. Now I am reduced to using their "Compose" mode and the preview to get what I want on here. I am not a happy camper and I will challenge anyone to try to tell me why this interface is better than the old one.

That said - this cracked me up.

Then there's this:
 
Love's some Stevie Wonder

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Now I'm really pissed



More on that when I've cooled off

"Old Timers"
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married."
The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?"

Monday, April 16, 2012

Everyone should have these




This for those of us who have the egocentric audacity to proclaim to be "handy.


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. It is especially valuable at being able to find the EXACT location of the thumb or index finger of the other hand.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.


Sunday, April 15, 2012

So you think you're having a bad day.......



Then you step outside of your house........

And look up into the beautiful blue sky..... And see this !!!!!




All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself “Now that's a big ass balloon!!!!!” and things don't seem quite so bad!!!!!!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Hey, Buck!!!



Thought maybe blog bud Buck might appreciate this




Somewhere down the toad the same thing might be said about the Sharks ...or is that just wishful thinking?


Friday, April 13, 2012

Inspired by another's blog post







No, the post wasn't about the TSA
It was more about baseball, bacon, and dating
...oh, yeah, and Facebook


you can read it here


Thursday, April 12, 2012

Twofer

I didn't know whether I should post this

or this




So I took the easy way and posted them both

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Monday, April 9, 2012

!



A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. 'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said. 'How much will you charge me?' Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?' He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?' The wife replied, 'You're right... I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes.' Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 'You're finished already?' the startled husband asked. 'Yes,' the blonde replied, 'and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.' Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'

Friday, April 6, 2012

Thursday, April 5, 2012

See y'all next week



Goin' rabbit hunting

I heard this story once before, only one of the characters was a Scotsman:

-o0o-

A professor at the Brighton University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says "Ahmed, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your
experience."

The Middle Eastern student replies with a nod and a grin, and makes his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Ahmed replies, "Ghost? Damn, from way back there I thought you said goats."



Tuesday, April 3, 2012

This just in



James Bond is switching from martinis to beer. This is a dramatic example of the ripple effects of the bad economy. Actually, ripple would be an even more dramatic example.
credit shoebox

I could leave that one alone

Monday, April 2, 2012

Click this image





this was originally intended as yesterday's post ...just saying'


Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right