Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Innocense is priceless


One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'
'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? '
The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,


'Which service, the 8:30 or the 11:00?'

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Public Cell Phone Solution



After a very busy day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.
As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart it's Eric, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty but I had a long meeting - no, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart" etc., etc.
Fifteen minutes later at St. Anne de Bellevue he was still talking loudly , when the young woman sitting next to him, who was obviously angered by his continuous diatribe, yelled at the top of her voice:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!
"

My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

So... what does this make me?


Somebody emailed this. I have no idea if I was singled out or it was flame.


I have no intention of forwarding it. On the other hand I certainly haven't deleted.
Lord knows I'm not sitting on any fences...

...my hemorrhoids couldn't handle it

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Sure Happy IT's Thursday


There's another blogger who uses the same title (more or less) for some of his Thursday blogs. Most of the time he shows more restraint than I. Thus, he is able to post under his own name.

Anyhow, I was thinkin' ...a dangerous pastime for me ...and I remembered some old quotes from when I was a kid. One was from the old original Dragnet (Jack Webb & Ben Alexander). The two detectives were passing some kids a they approached a residence. One of the kids says, "Hey, does your pop work?"
Anther responds, "Nah... he's a cop."
Back then we thought it was kinda funny.

Something else from about that time was an add-on for the Certs commercial:
"Certs is two mints in one. Certs is a breath mint. Certs is a candy mint."
Almost immediately someone would add, "Certs is a rectal suppository."

Don't ask where this came from. I have no idea what jogged those memories.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Who's sorry now




So Google did a doodle for Bob Moog's birthday.
That inspired me to write an original toon.
Be warned, I am not a professional musician.
I'm not even an amateur musician.
Just click on the image to hear it.
Hurry!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Something's come over us


A local school teacher (Cory Poole) was able to raid his retirement fund to purchase a special telescope so he could shoot this time lapse.



Of course, by now, it's gone viral and everyone who isn't a Luddite has already seen it.

In case you aren't aware of how this occurs, every now and again the Moon finds itself stuck directly between the Earth and the Sun. But since it is really tiny compared to the Sun it can't block all of the light so things get dimmer than usual.

Here's a map of where is occurred in my stompin' grounds. Note how only the cool folks in Oregon and the mostly unspoiled masses in California were able to view this event from the comfort of their own homes.



Yes, people, the deity at hand recognizes where Northern California (no Sacramento, no San Francisco) really is.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Does this belong on Sesame St.?


Ya know that segment where they sing, "Some of these things belong together..."



That's where I think I'd put it

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Sure Happy It's Thursday


So here's a word from the v-word hall of fame:



I gotta at least try ...right?
Sure wish they'd go back to these.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

That's Golf



A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks
me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it,so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."

The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak,but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out
of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball,
picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."

The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"



REMEMBER . . . OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Maybe the funniest thing I saw today...



from Shoeboox:

Bad news: The Chicago Bulls have been eliminated from the NBA playoffs.
Good news: that leaves 46 teams and another 7 months of playoffs.



Maybe I'll just do this for awhile?

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I am really tired of this [expletive deleted]



I'm getting really jaded.
How do I know this?
Look at the previous post.
I don't usually take cheap shots like that, particularly since I know how numbers can be manipulated to show almost anything.

The real problem is us.
Far too many of us have come to expect the government to take care of problems for us, forgetting that the government is us.

Anyway, I'm gonna take a break from this active blogging and just do the stealth stuff (that's post the odd comment here or there). That way I may just get back to feeling like myself again (I almost said "normal").


Saw this



Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What can I say



I know who Maurice Sendak was
I can't say I ever read anything
of his
I guess maybe I'll have to do
something about that
Even though I've started the first
three sentences paragraphs
with "I," this isn't about me


Monday, May 7, 2012

Yeah, yeah, I'm late


The supermoon was a day and a half ago, but it took this long for the good pictures to show up.



Clicking on the image above will take you to where I found them
...and to where they can be enlarged.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Watch your mail



I should mention, in passing, that Co-ed Naked Pole Vaulting has the second most pageviews so far today.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Health Message for Seniors!


This is me from now on.
As I was lying on my couch pondering the problems of the WORLD, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a HOOT. It's the tortoise life for me! (Read on...)



HEALTH MESSAGE:

1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks only water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ....yet lives for 450 years.

AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
(I DON'T THINK SO)
I'm retired, go around me!!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Hey Sully?



Go read this.
Maybe the folks in Middleborough, MA should consider adding mispronunciation to their list of crimes?



Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right