Well, Oh Yeah!!!

Twisted minds II

2012-02-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

On the lighter side

2012-02-10T08:52:00.000-08:00

New husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Robert, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it... Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 - year - old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.'
Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?'

The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

Sure Happy It's Thursday

2012-02-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

Titlelessness

2012-02-08T09:22:00.000-08:00

Investment tips for 2012

2012-02-07T09:38:00.000-08:00

So I figured if Suldog, Mrs Linklater, and ~~Knickleback~~ Knucklehead can do prognostications or commentary, so can I. I'm just not going to take on an easy subject like the winner of a meaningless game (unless you own a TV network or a pro football team). Here's something we can all get on about:

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice.
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
Watch for these consolidations later on this year:

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and
W. R. Grace Co. Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces
and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota
Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:
FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
PouponPants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW!

And finally...

9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new
name: TittyTittyBangBang

This just in... (bonus post)

2012-02-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

I really didn't see it that way

Heh!

2012-02-06T08:26:00.000-08:00

...or in congress

2012-02-05T09:55:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Dave Barry's crack research team

(click the image)

Brainstorming doesn't work

and...

A thought for the day:

Many a man's nose has been broken by his own middle finger.

...and today's quote:

"Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does."
~ Bill Nye

Are you ready for some football (hockey, soccer, basketball)?

2012-02-04T08:23:00.000-08:00

Politicians are just too easy to target

Just in time for this weekend

2012-02-03T13:10:00.000-08:00

It does feel like this

2012-02-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

...and right after we were finished with Christmas, too!

Twisted minds

2012-02-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

Ironic

2012-01-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

It was only an experiment.
I should have planned it a little better.
The result is the original post is collecting lots more pageviews... not the goal or what was expected.

Hey!
On another note... musical, that is... here's a free listen from NPR.

Here's another

2012-01-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

I certainly hope nobody thinks I'm editorializing?

I just think some of these are pretty damn funny.

I might start editorializing if someone comes up with a candidate I can get behind.

Can't take much more of...

2012-01-29T11:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Anniversay

2012-01-28T09:15:00.000-08:00

this repost originally appeared two years ago today. It still receives more than ten pageviews each week. I have updated it just a little for today's entry.

What is the difference between a brown noser and a shithead?

Depth Perception

Ya coulda heard a pin drop

2012-01-27T11:36:00.000-08:00

At a time when our Current President and other politicians tend to apologize for our country's prior actions, here's a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country.

These stories are good reminders of how proud and thankful we should always be as Americans:

1.
JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaule decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.

Rusk responded, "Does that include those who are buried here?"

DeGaule did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop.

2.
When in England, at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of 'empire building' by George Bush.

He answered by saying, "Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."

You could have heard a pin drop.

3.
There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying, "Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intend to do, bomb them?"

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: "Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?"

You could have heard a pin drop.

4.
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navys. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop.

AND
THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

As good as any

2012-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

Here is one of the more reasonable explanations for why San Francisco did not win on Sunday.

This has nothing to do with the previous entry

read about it here (a better idea is to forget reading about it and let your imagination rule)

There should be some kinda rule that the NBA and NHL play on alternate days. It's not so much I'm a fan as it's the pits when nothing else on the tube interests me and I can't even watch one of the NorCal teams.

Okay for those who asked about the post yesterday... I'm bringing it back

American Idol?

2012-01-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

The most popular post on this blog is almost two years old. It still gets as many views in a week as all of the others combined.

Therapy

2012-01-24T12:25:00.000-08:00

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball
headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at
his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could
relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his
hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took
his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her
hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and
asked, "How does that feel?"

"Feels great," he replied "but I still think my thumb's broken."
/\

It's only partly my fault

2012-01-23T09:25:00.000-08:00

So... while blogsurfing this morning I ran across a post about change.
Not personal change, the loose change in your pocket, climate change or environmental change ...wait! It is kinda about environmental change, but more like about attitude change, or maybe how it doesn't change fast enough.

Anyhow, the other blogger was posting about how her community is reacting to changes (not well, frankly). That almost immediately struck a chord with me.

I moved from a much larger metro-type area of run-on communities to rural Northern California about 40 years ago. At the time the local population was about 18,000 souls. The entire market area was maybe 90,000 - 125,000. (today there are 90,000 in the city, which makes it larger than the city from where I moved) . There were two things that struck me when I moved here:

Most of the newcomers wanted to shut off the flow of folks into the area
They also wanted to change how things were done to how it's done where they came from

About the only change that has really occurred here is the major industrial base in the area has almost entirely disappeared. But the locals, for the most part, had nothing to do with the disappearance of the big mills (lumber and paper). The largest employers now are government (federal, state, and local) and two hospitals (there used to be three, but the county hospital couldn't manage on the funds it received because folks with insurance went to the other two).

Anyhow, things have changed dramatically and just about anyone who's been here for five or more years doesn't like those changes because they don't meet anyone's expectations. Many of us moved here to get away from traffic, chain stores and all the things one sees in just about every suburban community...

...and it turns out we brought them with us along with additional challenges

If I were younger, I might move to New Mexico

Sensitive Hubby

2012-01-22T11:23:00.000-08:00

who makes this stuff up?

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front
door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if
there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

He says, "Yes, I am."

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.

The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, "I'm very sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's
been hit by a truck."

The guy replies, "Yeah I know, but she has a great personality and
is an excellent cook."

It's worse than reality

2012-01-21T08:46:00.000-08:00

I got this in an email today

2012-01-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

I'm passing along the inarguable (IMHO) parts:

I have never heard this said as simply or as well.

Class war at its best.

The folks who are getting the free stuff don't like the folks who are paying for the free stuff, because the folks who are paying for the free stuff can no longer afford to pay for both the free stuff and their own stuff.

And, the folks who are paying for the free stuff want the free stuff to stop.

And the folks who are getting the free stuff want even more free stuff on top of the free stuff they are already getting!

Now... the people who are forcing the people who pay for the free stuff have told the people who are RECEIVING the free stuff that the people who are PAYING for the free stuff are being mean, prejudiced, and racist.

So... the people who are GETTING the free stuff have been convinced they need to hate the people who are paying for the free stuff by the people who are forcing some people to pay for their free stuff and giving them the free stuff in the first place.

We have let the free stuff giving go on for so long that there are now more people getting free stuff than paying for the free stuff.

...there was more but it wasn't as interesting because it was just plain common sense for those who understood the first part ...and it wreaked of politics

I hate when I forget to write a title

2012-01-19T11:45:00.000-08:00

Why the U.S. credit rating was downgraded:

• U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000
• Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000
• New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000
• National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
• Recent budget cuts: $ 38,500,000,000

Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget:
• Annual family income: $21,700
• Money the family spent: $38,200
• New debt on the credit card: $16,500
• Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710
• Total budget cuts: $385
Got it?

Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling:

Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup
in your neighborhood ....and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do?

1. Raise the Ceilings, or
2. Pump out the sewage

there's more:

/\

Let's be serious for just a second ...really!

2012-01-18T13:51:00.000-08:00

PROTECT IP / SOPA Breaks The Internet from Fight for the Future on Vimeo

...and HEY, Wikipedia, your blackout bites. There really are more effective ways to get your point across

What's missing?

2012-01-18T13:24:00.000-08:00

Answer:

A quick brown fox

Har!

2012-01-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

Norway's answer to Sunny

2012-01-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

First thing is a brief explanation. Buck has been known to post videos of Sunny, who waxes philosophically on whatever subject strikes her fancy. I might add that if you find yourself taking her seriously, you should see someone about it.

I came across this earlier today. It kinda reminds me, in a rough sorta way, of Sunny.

Everything is the USA's fault according to anybody from somewhere else.

DeWalt Nail Gun

2012-01-15T09:06:00.000-08:00

A must have in every home in America !
For everyone who would rather not have a gun in the house!
In view of the recent Supreme Court ruling, sales of this new product may skyrocket.
Washington thinks they are going to take away our guns, so check this out. I like it!
NAIL GUNS! AND, you don't even have to REGISTER them or have LICENSES for them!
AND, you don't have to worry about them being CONCEALED!
Just a LOT of good stuff to do with THIS!
Once in awhile something so totally cool comes out that even a guy who doesn't normally even know what he'd like for Father's Day or Christmas would immediately ask for it:

Thank you, DeWalt!!!

New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
Just get your wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, and relax and when she has the board in the right place, just fire away.
With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading. After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you to build or fix anything else, probably, ever again.

Lazy person's post

2012-01-14T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm good at it...

Here, read this

okay... here's some more...

-o0o-

Okay, new topic:

A new meaning to the term, "Oh, crap!"

Only about five months to go...

2012-01-13T09:23:00.000-08:00

Just for Suldog

2012-01-12T10:13:00.001-08:00

Earlier this morning Sully commented that his verification was soredges. Then he said something about funny and I should make a joke.
Well, I gotta admit I was at a loss ...for awhile. Because Blogger came through and gave me some fodder (a cheap reference to the cow post below). While almost making a comment on another blog I came across the following:

I'm thinkin' it (ho sittin') will give someone soredges if they spend too much time at it.

While I'm thinking about it... you should go read Sully's Blog. There's a link somewhere over on the left
Oh... and we crossed over 14,000 pageviews sometime this morning

Huh?

2012-01-12T08:44:00.001-08:00

Dig(s)

2012-01-11T10:26:00.000-08:00

Question:

Does the NBA season seem a little more exciting this year?

It was last night. I'm not a big fan of the pro game, but will watch if I happen to catch onto something interesting... like what happened last night in Oakland. Golden State was down 17 points in the second half against the Miami Heat and managed to come back to win by five in OT.

I missed the entire Sharks/Wild game

Didja know:

Before settling on the Seven Dwarfs we know today, Disney also considered Chesty, Tubby, Burpy, Deafy, Hickey, Wheezy, and Awful.

I'll probably be bored silly by the end of the NBA and NHL seasons, but that's okay because it will be time for MLB's All-Star Game and only a couple of weeks before the start of the NFL preseason

One more thing -

Blogger seems to have this thing about making some really lame blogs the Blog of Note. Or worse, making some really good blogs targets for spammers

This came to the Inbox yesterday

2012-01-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

The caption said, "Happy New Year From Texas"

Just what are they learning in school

2012-01-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, so that's how it works

2012-01-08T08:32:00.000-08:00

Then I found this -

A day late

2012-01-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

Woulda been nice to know about this yesterday

We coulda had a party

Epiphany

2012-01-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something

Oh, you mean like you didn't see the elephant in the room?

Some of us are just a little bit slow on the uptake

(the twelfth day of Christmas)

2012-01-05T09:26:00.000-08:00

Found the cards I was supposed to mail on December 6

...though it appears more timely today

cloodism may be the first v-word in the v-word hall of fame

(the eleventh day of Christmas)

2012-01-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

(the tenth day of Christmas)

2012-01-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

Got busy

(the ninth day of Christmas)

2012-01-02T09:06:00.001-08:00

We said a little prayer asking God to forgive us for laughing...

...and thanking him for the twelve days of Christmas

(the eighth day of Christmas)

2012-01-01T08:05:00.000-08:00

We watched a news in revue show

(the seventh day of Christmas)

2011-12-31T10:01:00.000-08:00

We went for a little drive

the full screen (and sound) version is HERE

(the sixth day of Christmas)

2011-12-30T09:07:00.000-08:00

We went for party supplies:

Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”

(the fifth day of Christmas)

2011-12-29T09:27:00.000-08:00

(the fourth day of Christmas)

2011-12-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

(the third day of Christmas)

2011-12-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

"Carolize" (the second day of Christmas)

2011-12-26T09:06:00.000-08:00

_

\/

(the first day of Christmas)

2011-12-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

WARNING

2011-12-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

WARNING for older men! Clever Scam...warn your friends!! This is very serious stuff!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the malls and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the holiday’s get closer. This is a 'heads up' for those men... who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or WaLmart customers. This one caught me bysurprise.

Over the last couple weeks I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get some simple Christmas gifts has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car dressed as Santa’s Helpers as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start helping you pack your stuff into your vehicle. What catches your eye is the very short bright Red Santa helper miniskirts they are wearing and the tight fitting Deep “V” neck red top shirt with their breasts almost falling out. It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds to get some hot cocoa and a snack.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen twice in November, and again on Dec 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, at least three times a week since and very likely again today.

So tell your friends to be careful!! What a horrible way to take advantage of older men during this holiday season. Warn your friends to be vigilant. These girls will not give up, they have proven it over and over again with me.

By the way, Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones at Wal-Mart for $1.99 and bought them out. Also, you will never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 14 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, Sam's Club, Wal-Mart, and Target.

So please, send this along to all the older men that you know, and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)

BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!

Hah!

2011-12-23T08:46:00.000-08:00

About bumper stickers

2011-12-22T10:27:00.000-08:00

I heard somewhere that drivers of cars with bumper stickers tend to be more aggressive than those without

Merry Christmas anyway

Subject: 2-2-2012

2011-12-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

In the coming New Year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.

Even more brutal

2011-12-20T09:48:00.000-08:00

When Is Drunk TOO Drunk?

Two buddies, Fred and Jerry, were getting very drunk at a bar when
suddenly Jerry throws up all over himself.
'Oh, no... Now my wife will kill me!'

Fred says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast
pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you
twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Jerry stumbles home and his wife starts to give him a bad time.
'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God,
you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as not to slur his words, Jerry says,
Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jewthink. I only
had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me...he had one
too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry
sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'

His wife looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks...'

'Oh, yeah... I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

Brutal

2011-12-19T09:01:00.000-08:00

World travelers with smartphones...

2011-12-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

I found this in my inbox this morning. I am grateful the individual who sent it is unaware of my blog...

...he does something like this every year

People Of Walmart Song | Break.com

2011-12-17T10:57:00.000-08:00

Not as good as Suldog's

People Of Walmart Song | Break.com

Actually ends at 5:45... if you last that long.

Hey, sports fans

2011-12-16T11:23:00.000-08:00

An elementary teacher starts a new job at a school in Dallas , Texas and was trying to make a good impression on her first day explains to her class that she's a Cowboys fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they too are Cowboy fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"

"Because I'm NOT a Cowboys fan," she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asks: "Well, if you're not a Cowboys fan, then whom do you support?"

"I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Well Mary, might you explain why are you a 49ers fan?"

"Because my mom and dad are from San Francisco and my mom is a 49ers fan and my dad is a 49ers fan, so I'm a Niner fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?"

Mary said, "I'd be a RAIDERS fan."

'Tis the season

2011-12-15T09:13:00.000-08:00

Needed these sooner for the ~~video~~ slideshow

Then go check out this link

I screwed up yesterday

2011-12-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot to credit Suldog for the words and music in the ~~video~~ slideshow. Despite that he said some of the nicest things.

None of this is original

2011-12-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

_

Kinda has a nice beat.

Somebody's tired already

2011-12-12T10:09:00.000-08:00

I wonder what kind of music they're playing?

Like... since August

2011-12-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

Loudon Wainwright III - Suddenly It's Christmas from Shutter the Thought Prods. on Vimeo.

This seems appropriate

2011-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Follow up

2011-12-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

The other day we quoted an article about the costs of fighting terrorism. This morning I found out somebody overpaid.

...or maybe they have to pay more for stuff in Michigan?

Um.... okay

2011-12-08T08:05:00.000-08:00

click it for a better look
\/

Love some seasonal music

2011-12-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

This one... not so much

The United States is fighting terrorism - one snow cone at a time.

2011-12-06T11:44:00.000-08:00

Montcalm County recently received a $900 Arctic Blast Sno-Cone machine.

The West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission (WMSRDC) is a federal- and state-designated agency responsible for managing and administrating the homeland security program in Montcalm County and 12 other counties.

The WMSRDC recently purchased and transferred homeland security equipment to these counties - including 13 snow cone machines at a total cost of $11,700.

I'm speechless

This is the story

I will refrain from commenting...

2011-12-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

Story here

Any comment I make is better left to the imagination of those who know me and my quirky thoughts about certain drivers.
This story bears evidence that my thoughts may not be far from true fact.

Yeah... well I waited and nothing better came along

2011-12-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

Fruitcake for Suldog

2011-12-03T08:46:00.000-08:00

This seems appropriate

2011-12-02T09:09:00.000-08:00

Suldog's post yesterday reminded me, again, of this.

The only thing about it that bothers me is I can remember hearing this when it first came out and wearing out the record.
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This'll work

2011-12-01T09:13:00.000-08:00

Decision, decisions...

2011-11-30T11:21:00.000-08:00

I couldn't decide whose cartoon to steal today...

They're both from the same post

Post holiday funk

2011-11-29T11:16:00.000-08:00

It used to be after Christmas that we'd go funky and slip into a mood. But now that the heavy merchandisers and credit card companies have hijacked the season and are doing their best to wrestle Thanksgiving away from us, too, I'm ready for the new year.

Only this year that's not going to help the mood much, either. Because almost immediately are the first of the primaries for President.

Maybe I'll become a hermit. I'd only have to move a couple of miles to lose cell phone service and wi-fi.

I really wonder

2011-11-28T11:19:00.000-08:00

This is about how I feel when the main news stories are about holiday shopping and how many folks are acting like ass weasels

Random thoughts

2011-11-27T09:41:00.000-08:00

I'm with Miranda

2011-11-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

Commentary

2011-11-25T08:02:00.000-08:00

Any other questions

2011-11-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving

It's take your dog for a walk day

2011-11-23T09:53:00.000-08:00

Because tomorrow all of those amateurs will be out on the trails running off their dinner

Yeah!

2011-11-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

Draw your own conclusions

2011-11-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

He wants to know where he came from

2011-11-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

2011-11-19T09:13:00.000-08:00

My comment yesterday (on the Timmy post), that I do this mostly for the laughs, was almost right. Thinking about it a little more, the realization is it's done to see if there will be a reaction.
This all started because I liked being able to comment on other blogs using an alias. Then Carolina called me out.
There are some of you who know who I am. Your secrets are safe with me as long as mine is safe with you.
There's a real irony about this post. I only just now re-discovered that it was two years ago the day before yesterday that I started this blog.
The most fun I have is hiding stuff in plain sight (like in the sidebar, header, or footer).

Who said, "You are what you eat?"

2011-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Timmy

2011-11-17T11:04:00.000-08:00

Timmy: Mommy, I have a drinking problem.
Mom: Oh my God! Timmy, you're only six! This is your no good father’s fault!
Dad: My fault? Maybe if you weren’t such a stuck up leech I wouldn’t have to drink!
Mom: You idiot! This family doesn’t need you! Get out!
Dad: I’m going!
Mom: Now tell me about your drinking problem, Timmy.
Timmy: If jack has three cans of Pepsi, and he drinks one, how many does he have left?

Is it, really?

2011-11-16T09:01:00.000-08:00

Now look where Christmas is headed

2011-11-15T10:21:00.000-08:00

It's gone too far.

I like this... except for the "F" word

2011-11-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I've had brain freeze, too

2011-11-13T10:27:00.000-08:00

How deer think

2011-11-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan , was being interviewed by a liberal journalist, an animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?

Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, what am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the Democrats in Congress.'

The interview ended.

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

Good advice

2011-11-10T09:30:00.000-08:00

choice

2011-11-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

Tools Explained

2011-11-08T08:46:00.000-08:00

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.

Draw your own conclusions

2011-11-07T10:34:00.000-08:00

All of their friends are at OWS