Thursday, December 31, 2009

Here's my list

So this is the day that everyone resolves to do better next year and posts a list on their blog.
Well a guy I went to college with sent me this list:
The US Troops in Afghanistan proved they have retained their sense of humor, one of them sent this. "YOU MIGHT BE A TALIBAN IF......."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against..
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that other stuff... you know - looking backing or making resolutions. But gee, get real!!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Just take it and quit grumbling



There were some thoughts of photoshopping this to some of the pix you put up on that other blog you write, Jim

Temptation

I am constantly bombarded with little urges to post some of the worst jokes. That is worst in the sense that you would probably not repeat them in mixed company. . . or at least in front of your kids.
The fact that I have yet to relate any of these jokes means that, so far, I'm winning the battle. Unfortunately it means that the orneriness manifests itself in other ways.

BTW - in case anyone is wondering why I post something almost every day, it's because that's how the pressure is relieved. It's a whole lot better to have a bunch of little inane posts than it is to have a major outburst of stupidity once in a while... and it is better that I do it here than someplace where people know me.

Now I gotta go and design an award for Suldog

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Unintended consequences

I have followers.
That's not why I do this. I'm not certain why I do this.
That's not what this is about.
Suldog posted folks who do stuff without any thought for themselves, but because it's the right thing to do. He calls them helpers. I call them heroes.
He then lamented that a bunch of interwebby friends had gotten together to make Christmas really nice for someone who'd not had any nice Christmases and that he had been outed as the organizer of the effort because he'd not told everyone that he wished to remain anonymous.
It would serve him right if somebody sent him an award.
No, wait... everybody should send him an award.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Quick thinking... or not thinking?

At bar trivia the announcer said to identify the celebrity speaker in the next sound clip. Then the mic cut out and it was silence for about 10 seconds. Someone in the bar yelled out “Helen Keller”

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Before I forget

At one of the stops on my morning rounds I found this.
I used to believe that nothing could surprise me.

Friday, December 25, 2009

A word words to for the wise

Now that I have collected these things, what do I do with them?










I guess it could be fun to make up definitions... or at least try to use them in a sentence?

An original thought

Merry Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Just read. . .

. . .a post where the writer mentioned that he couldn't handle conversing with a drunk when he was sober.
There is a solution to that challenge. . . more than one actually.
This is the time of year when we are more apt to read posts about drinking and hangovers than any other time of year. There really is only one sure way to prevent a hangover. The really neat thing is that it will prevent drunkenness too.


...and sometimes stupidity [added at 8:30pm]

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Credit

The quote on Friday's post is from Emo Phillips.

I don't Tweet

I don't even have a Twitter account and I am not planning for it either.
However, I do occasionally see what others have put out there for the world to see.
These two are from The Checkout Girl:

Oh, coworker, you laugh because I look like a "big pink marshmallow" in my coat.I laugh because I found out your fiance is gay.

East Coast Winter: Struggling to shovel many inches of snow. West Coast Winter: Struggling to somehow text in mittens.

Her most recent tweets can be found on her blog.
I live on the West Coast. What are mittens?
_______________

On another blog, I read something about the relationship of the type of booze to the severity of hangovers.
Um, just a thought here, maybe the hangovers wouldn't happen at all if... oh forget about it. Nobody needs wants this lecture. I will say this. I once worked in a plant where various spirits were bottled. Vodka was always filtered and bottled first, followed by gin, then the colored spirits (bourbon and blends). The last were the mixed drinks, which weren't filtered at all.

The best way to stay sober through the holidays - breath in, breath out, don't drink between breaths.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Think about this

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I remembered who was telling me this.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Okay, okay!!! I know

I have been remiss in posting.
I don't plan to try to catch up like some people I know.
I read this on a recent Blog of Note, Hip-ster-krit.
I really think that it's a great idea to declare tomorrow, "Dress like an Televangelist Day." It gives a change of pace to the season just when we need it.
I also noticed that I started each paragraph in this post, including this one, with a personal pronoun. So to break the chain I will add a quote of the day which probably applies to me:
Assistant Editor to Columnist:
“Three incomplete thoughts doesn’t make one complete sentence.”

Sunday, December 13, 2009

If you have a Facebook account...

...you might be offended by this.
Then again, if you're like me, you seldom use it so you will probably find yourself rolling on the floor.
If you don't have a Facebook account just ask someone who does to let you view theirs for a few days. Then you will understand.

Oh... and if someone tells you to call the Nestles Crunch hotline, save yourself the phone call and watch listen to this video.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I'd post something, but

I am having issues with tingly fingers on my offside hand.
I know it sounds ominous. Believe me that it was much worse before either of the surgeries. Every time this situation occurs now, I seem to have more feeling than prior to it. That's a good thing.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I'm busy... Okay?

I haven't posted because I have a hundred things to do and I have yet to even address my first Christmas card. I am not worried about that too much because it isn't over until January 5.
At least I have them designed already. Now it's only a matter of printing, addressing and mailing. Oh geez! That means I gotta go to the Post Office... crap!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Remind me to ask

Doll Face is the star on Fluid Pusher. I have to know if she knows anything about this, particularly if there's any kind of discount for bulk orders.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

What? I can't be wrong?

That issue I had with the image uploader... it was my fault.
The pop-up window was hiding behind the regular type in your message window.
Who'da thought.

BTW - a big shout out to the Burned Out Waitress. She's at least as entertaining as the Checkout Girl and Fluid Pusher. Some day when I can put an entire thought together I might even do as well as these ladies?

Friday, December 4, 2009

In which case he follows up on yesterday's post

...and it's working okay now
I put the lights up!!!

...and it's working okay now wait, I said that.

In which case he follows up on yesterday's post...

...and blogger's Add Image gadget won't work!!!

That's probably a good thing.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I guess it's official

Now that we're past 'Black' Friday and 'Cyber' Monday, Christmas cannot be far off.
How do I know this? Some family members have already put up the tree(s).
I shall refrain from going off on the ones who have more than two.
Actually, I am going to relate a story that I was reminded of when one of my brother's in law told of letting his little grandson decorate the tree a few years back. When the kid was done all of the lights were strung on the lowest three feet because he couldn't reach any higher. Yep, I was gonna tell about the time my tree was decorated about the same, but it was because I couldn't stand up.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS

IT'S EVEN A BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT!!!

Son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,





'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

Monday, November 30, 2009

!!!

I got nothin' today.
Go read Knucklehead.

I sure hope that folks who read my comments on other blogs understand that sometimes they are made with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

In case you didn't know

I wandered off the grid for a couple of days to spend Thanksgiving with family... the ones who still speak to me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Be careful

Are you traveling this week?
Then think about this.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I don't follow blogs...

...I stalk them!!!

Hence, there are no listings in the left column 'cause we don't wanna leave no evidence.

That said, check this out: Whatever Happened to... Curious George?

If that doesn't work try this: Thanksgiving for Dummies


did I mention that I amend posts as the day progresses?
As we say at the end of the meetings,
"Keep coming back!"

Monday, November 23, 2009

A word to the wise

Alcohol does not make you FAT -
it makes you LEAN....
Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

check it out

Fairytales from the Darkside are not as grim as Grimm

Gratitude

I went to a meeting this morning, as I do most Saturday mornings. Since November is Gratitude Month the speaker selected that as the topic for others to share about. Many shared about how grateful the are that they haven't had the compulsion to drink. Others shared how they have had dreams where they had taken a drink. Then when they awoke were grateful that it was just a dream. I shared that I am grateful that I don't have such dreams since now that I've quit smoking, I dream about having a cigarette.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

uh, oh...

It appears I have been challenged.
Just one lousy post and I already have two comments and one of them's a follower already.
Carolina is from almost halfway around the world. She has been a bit under the weather really messed up with Lyme Disease, which you get from tick bites. I do hope you are feeling better, Carolina. I look forward to the posts and the pictures on your blog.

Initially, I was intending for this to be a graphic rather than prosaic, but I realize my limitations and fully understand that I have no idea what prosaic really means. I do know that my thought process requires much stimulation and that I am reactive rather than active. Hence my reticence in starting a blog. This may be the longest post anyone ever sees here.

Monday, November 16, 2009


Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right