Friday, August 8, 2014

Better'n cat vids

Monday, August 4, 2014

I hate it when that happens





Sure wish I could pull that crap when I don't wanna work



Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Hey Sarge...




a couple of months ago I got this email
so I know how you feel
the image I used was not from the photograper's [sic] page
I couldn't begin to tell you where I got the image
other than removing the offending post, this is the first time I have acknowledged the email
my first thought when I got it ...the email ...was, "#&@<  'em!"

With a few edits, this it what it said



Copyright Infringement of “The Mad Snowball” Photograph



a real lawyer <real lawyer@someurl.com>

 

Mar 25



Dear Sir or Madam:
We represent David Robert Curtis, the owner of the photograph “The Mad Snowball.”  Mr. Curtis owns the intellectual property rights to “The Mad Snowball,” including reproduction rights.  The photograph is also registered with the U.S. Copyright Office.
We have learned that infringing copies of “The Mad Snowball” photograph are being displayed on the website http://wellohyeah.blogspot.com (the “Website”) without authorization.  The Website’s unauthorized use of the infringing content constitutes copyright infringement and violates Mr. Curtis’s rights under United States federal law.  E.g., 17 U.S.C. § 106.  The infringing content, which consists of a reproduction of “The Mad Snowball,” is located at http://wellohyeah.blogspot.com/2011_03_01_archive.html.  The original copyrighted image can be seen at http://www.theearlybirder.com/ .

The only versions of the “The Mad Snowball” published online by Mr. Curtis contain copyright notices in the form of plain text in the bottom part of the image and/or a watermark in the main part of the image.  The infringing image as it appears on the Website lacks either of these copyright notices and therefore may also represent a violation of 17 U.S.C. § 1202(b).
We hereby demand that you refrain from distributing or offering to distribute copies of “The Mad Snowball,” including in the form currently on display at the Website, to any one by any means.
If you have any questions, please contact me by phone or via electronic mail.  My contact information is below.  Thank you for your anticipated cooperation. 
Nothing contained in this letter is intended as or should be construed to be a waiver or relinquishment of any right or remedy held by our client, all of which are hereby expressly reserved.

Reza Dokhanchy
Kirkland & Ellis LLP | 555 California St., San Francisco, CA 94104
[phone number here] Direct  [email here]


******************************
*****************************
IRS Circular 230 Disclosure:
To ensure compliance with requirements imposed by the U.S. Internal Revenue Service, we inform you that any tax advice contained in this communication (including any attachments) was not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, by any taxpayer for the purpose of (1) avoiding tax-related penalties under the U.S. Internal Revenue Code or (2) promoting, marketing or recommending to another party any tax-related matters addressed herein.

The information contained in this communication is confidential, may be attorney-client privileged, may constitute inside information, and is intended only for the use of the addressee. It is the property of Kirkland & Ellis LLP or Kirkland & Ellis International LLP. Unauthorized use, disclosure or copying of this communication or any part thereof is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by return e-mail or by e-mail to postmaster@[URL here], and destroy this communication and all copies thereof, including all attachments.
******************************
*****************************





Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I have one comment awaiting moderation



I don't get it
شركة عزل اسطح بالرياض شركة عزل خزانات بالرياض شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض شركة تنظيف فلل بجدة شركة تنظيف فلل نقل عفش جدة عزل مائي بالرياض عزل بالرياض عزل اسطح بالرياض عملية تدبيس المعدة
Ironically, that's the post title
How does one moderate something like that?

More from out there




Hard to beat Israeli Technology  . . .


The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners.  It's an armored booth you step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on your person.

Israel sees this as a win-win situation for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling.  It will also eliminate the costs of long and expensive trials.

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.  Shortly thereafter, an announcement:

"Attention to all standby passengers, El Al is proud to announce a seat available on flight 670 to London.  Shalom!"

BRILLIANT...

"Maintenance - Clean up at gate 2"


Monday, July 21, 2014

Today's handy hint



I know it is awhile before the apple crop is ready
But, unlike most handy hint posts, you get this before you need it


Do not attempt this with grapes ...or tomatoes


Sunday, July 20, 2014

Who comes up with this stuff?



Investigative sources in California say that radical Muslims
are planning to go on a rampage in the city of Los Angeles,
killing anyone who is a U.S. citizen.

Police officials fear the death toll could be as high as 9.



Sunday, July 13, 2014

Just another sea story


A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down-and-dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an a-A-5 pilot, flying off carriers back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Vigi, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.

The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old RECON pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called, "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You,” he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the RECON pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it”, the old Recon pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"



Thursday, June 26, 2014

A followup



George  Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and
go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what
the phone is  for.

The devil  tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin
asks to  call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished,  the devil informs him that the cost is a million
dollars, so  Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen  Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she is  finished, the devil informs her that the cost
is 6 million  dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally  George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
Whenhe is  finished, the devil informs him that the cost is
$5.00.

When Putin  hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil
why Bush  got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles
and replies,  since Obama took over, the country's gone to
hell, so it's a local  call."


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

No ...I been here all along



I can't leave this alone
I have been quiet for awhile
It does me no good to get excited riled
But this just absolutely torques my sphincter

...and the quote:
"I just walked over to Chipotle's for lunch. I caused a lot of havoc as you might expect," the president said. "It had been awhile since I had the burrito bowl, and it was good."
Does this man have a clue what every move he makes outside of the security of the White House or Camp David ...oh, wait, he and his family are too good for Camp David ...does to disrupt the routine activities of the people who have to function in the places he spontaneously visits?

Apparently he does

I've been in a city where the President has made a sojourn on the ground
Everything within a quarter mile ...sometimes often further comes to a complete halt until whatever it is that's planned is no longer a viable plan
Try explaining to a little kid that he can' go to the zoo because the President was there, that he has to stay in his car seat, in the car until the nice policeman says you can move

If that man didn't want to be cooped up (for his own protection, mind you), he should have found a different job

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Overheard



Soooo...an old BMC*  I served with told me "If your brain worked faster than your mouth, skunk stool, you'd been a (freaking) Masterchief."

I said "If I was half as ugly as you I'D be the poster boy for a prophylactic."

*Boatwains (bosun's) Mate Chief

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I don't think I should be laughing



Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

Friday, May 16, 2014

A modest proposal


I'm sorry for the small print
Just click on the article to enlarge it
That is if you want to read it



Monday, May 5, 2014

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Something I can get behind




Someone mentioned May Day
That made me cringe
I like this a lot better

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I don't get it



Two North Dakota good ol’ boys are out hunting, and as they are walking along they came upon a huge hole in the ground.  They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole, I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"
The second hunter says," I don't know. Let's throw somethin' down there, listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."
The first hunter says, "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."

So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it in the hole.

They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.
While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up.

"Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you ?"
The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumped . . . headfirst into this here hole!!!!"
The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible . . .    I had him chained to a transmission."


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Sunday, March 2, 2014

A priest decided to do something a little different
He said, 'Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach
Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind
-- the pastor shouted out
'CROSS'

Immediately the congregation started singing in unison
'THE OLD RUGGED CROSS..'

The pastor hollered out
'GRACE'
The congregation began to sing 'AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound'

The pastor said
'POWER'
The congregation sang 'THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD'

The Pastor said
'SEX'

The congregation fell into total silence
Everyone was in shock
They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing
'MEMORIES'

Friday, February 28, 2014

Be careful whatcha wish for



Apologies for the caps...
The idiot who sent this to me is almost a Luddite
I'm just to lazy to retype



A MODERN DAY COWBOY HAS SPENT MANY DAYS CROSSING THE DAKOTA PRAIRIES WITHOUT WATER.

HIS HORSE HAD ALREADY DIED OF THIRST. HE'S CRAWLING ALONG THE DUSTY GROUND, CERTAIN THAT HE HAS BREATHED HIS LAST BREATH, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HE SEES AN OBJECT STICKING OUT OF THE GROUND SEVERAL YARDS AHEAD OF HIM.

HE CRAWLS TO THE OBJECT, PULLS IT OUT OF THE GROUND AND DISCOVERS WHAT LOOKS TO BE AN OLD BRIEFCASE.

HE OPENS IT AND OUT POPS A GENIE.
   
BUT THIS IS NO ORDINARY GENIE.

SHE IS WEARING AN INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE ID BADGE AND A DULL GREY DRESS.

THERE'S A CALCULATOR IN HER POCKETBOOK. SHE HAS A PENCIL TUCKED BEHIND ONE EAR. ''WELL, COWBOY,'' SAYS THE GENIE, ''YOU KNOW HOW I WORK ... YOU HAVE THREE WISHES.''

''I'M NOT FALLING FOR THIS,'' SAID THE COWBOY, ''I'M NOT GOING TO TRUST AN IRS GENIE.''

''WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE? YOU'VE GOT NO TRANSPORTATION, AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE A GONER ANYWAY!''

THE COWBOY THINKS ABOUT THIS FOR A MINUTE AND DECIDES THAT THE GENIE IS RIGHT.

''OK! I WISH I WERE ALONG-SIDE A LUSH SPRING WITH PLENTY OF FOOD AND DRINK.''

***POOF***

THE COWBOY FINDS HIMSELF BESIDE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SPRING HE HAS EVER SEEN, AND HE'S SURROUNDED WITH JUGS OF WINE AND PLATTERS OF DELICACIES.

''OK, COWPOKE, WHAT'S YOUR SECOND WISH.''
     
''MY SECOND WISH IS THAT I WAS RICH ....BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS.''

***POOF***

THE COWBOY FINDS HIMSELF SURROUNDED BY TREASURE CHESTS FILLED WITH RARE GOLD COINS AND PRECIOUS GEMS.

''OK, COWPUNCHER, YOU HAVE JUST ONE MORE WISH.

BETTER MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!''


AFTER THINKING FOR A FEW MINUTES, THE COWBOY SAYS,
''I WISH THAT NO MATTER WHERE I GO, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WILL WANT AND NEED ME.''



***POOF***
     

HE WAS TURNED INTO A TAMPON.
     

MORAL OF THE STORY:
      IF THE U.S. GOVERNMENT OFFERS TO HELP YOU, THERE'S GOING TO BE A STRING ATTACHED.

     

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Oops

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob.  I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.  I have been tapping into your wife, day and night when you're not around.  In fact, more than you.  I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:


Damn autocorrect.  I meant "WiFi", not "wife".

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Hmmmmm



Story here

Somebody posted a map the other day.
Obviously, the topic related on this map has nothing to do with the topic on the other map... at least in California.


Friday, February 7, 2014

Expert help



Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize
 'Please allow me to help
I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me", she told him

'Oh, no, I'll be all right
I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his trouser fly and put her hands inside
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel now' she asked?

"Feels absolutely great," he replied; "but I still think my thumb's broken!"

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Hey, Suldog!!!



Check out this


They're freakin' everywhere ...the maroons!



Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Monday, January 13, 2014

Thursday, January 2, 2014

My favorite post from 2013



It's this one
I made an effort to repost it
It was driving me more nuts
It's about control don'tcha know

The post was before Sully got all famous as a writer for a buncha different newspapers and magazines
...and it was about him anyway


Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right