I may never go to the beach again

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...or the movies

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Not 15 recordings

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I might someday find 15 recording I would take with me to a desert island. Suldog posted his, Matt posted his, [whose] Uncle Skip posted something ...and won't stop ...and Cricket started it... I think.
(Around these parts crickets are fish bait. Suldog posted his 15)

So I thought I might offer an alternative without even having to do any of the work myself. You can listen to the music in the video above while you take a gander at this post.

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Huh?

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I have some really, really weird friends who send unusual stuff.

I checked with SNOPES and this works.......

Subject: Fwd: Home Made Radiation Tester

With all the fear of radiation fallout from Japan I thought it might be
useful to tell you about a cheap, effective, homemade radiation tester
you can easily assemble and rely upon.

Follow these simple instructions, IT REALLY WORKS!!


OPEN A BAG OF ORVILLE REDENBOCKER MICROWAVE POPCORN

JUST LEAVE ON YOUR TABLE IF IT STARTS POPPING YOU'RE DONE FOR

Oh, and I'm still trying to figure out the significance of Hollister, CA in this

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Quote

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"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder

Something about last Thursday's post brings that to mind?

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Turn on the sound

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You could even let the kids watch. It's family friendly.

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This'll get someone's attention

Okay, I'm sorry

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Read this.

Then, go here and see this

Finally, watch

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For Suldog

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Just imagine an entire album... Bwahahaha!

The last two days Suldog did one of those list things over the last two days. I'm too lazy to sort out the fifteen I'd want. Rest assured Elva Miller would only make the list if the was the last woman on Earth.

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I gotta ask

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Periodically I check the stats for this blog. I like to know just how much traffic there is, from where it's coming, and to what it is attracted.
My question relates to the attraction issue. The post with the most page views by far is from January 28, 2010. It has almost twice as many views the runner up. Even this week it is running 2:1 over the next highest count. What I want to know is what is the attraction of this particular post?

Interesting, too, is that it is titled, So, here's the question -

the all time runner up is Bonus post from July 21 last year
and the weekly runner up is untitled from March 2, this year.


Just write your answer on the back of a $100 bill and mail it to If you have a theory, I really would like to hear it.

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, her service .45 cal. automatic, and a survival knife."

"She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"



"Don't f*** with Mommy when she's been drinking."

I love these touching stories, don't you?
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I had a blackout

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No, it wasn't that kind. It was the less scary kind, where you wake up in the middle of the night and you realize all of the usual night noises aren't there and you can't even see the display on the clock because there is no electricity.
Fortunately, you've had the foresight to put a flashlight within reach so you can wander through the house to make sure everything is secure.
When you reach the kitchen, where the battery operated clock is, you find it is 5:45am. That means if somebody hadn't had the brilliant plan known as daylight saving time, you wouldn't have needed the darn flashlight.
Also, if some other tool hadn't come up with electronic ignition, you could turn up the thermostat on the furnace and the heat would come on.
Somewhere around here is a telephone that doesn't necessarily have to be plugged into an electric outlet in order to operate. There is a radio that doesn't have to be plugged in. Too bad there isn't enough Sun to charge it up or we could listen to ...yeah, right. Never mind.
On the upside, it wasn't a blanket blackout. Many of my neighbors suffered no service interruption. I did use a cell phone to call the utility company's hotline. I heard the message that more information would be available at 10:29am. About 10:45 I called back and the message was that "extended delays" could be expected. Then the battery on the cell died.
So what I want to know is, did anyone notice I didn't post yesterday?

For a different take on a Sunday morning read see this.

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I don't feel bad for them

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I forward with deepest respect. This just made perfect sense to forward on. Please keep it going for our real celebrities.

Lindsay Lohan is 24 and her story is all over the news because she's a celebrity drug addict and allegedly, a thief.

Charlie Sheen is 45 and you would have been under a rock all week if you hadn't heard about his antics.

While................

Justin Allen 23,
Brett Linley 29,
Matthew Weikert 29,
Justus Bartett 27,
Dave Santos 21,
Jesse Reed 26,
Matthew Johnson 21,
Zachary Fisher 24,
Brandon King 23,
Christopher Goeke 23, and
Sheldon Tate 27..........

are all Marines that gave their lives this week for you. There is no media for them; not even a mention of their names.


Honor THEM by sending this on!

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.

We interrupt your reverie...

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Maybe this video won't get pulled?

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Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

Pi day

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About the Japan disaster

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about the stupidest thing I read is this.


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Look what I found

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A quote:

"I know the words are similar, Grandpa, but you butt dialed me, not booty called me."

I dunno who.

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The Cab Ride

I arrived at the address and honked the horn, after waiting a few minutes I walked to the door and knocked.. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.

I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.

She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her... 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'

'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly..

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice.. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.'

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. 'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.

We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'.

We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.

'Nothing,' I said.

'You have to make a living,' she answered.

'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.

'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'

I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life..

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware, beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

You won't get any big surprise in 10 days if you send this to ten people.

But, you might help make the world a little kinder and more compassionate by passing it on and reminding us that often it is the random acts of kindness that most benefit all of us.


Thank you, my friend...
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Just one wee small question

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Who was the clown that decided International Women's Day should fall on the same day as Fat Tuesday.

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It only happens once a year

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Happy Paczki Day

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I opened an email and this fell out

"You only live once...

But if you live it right, once is enough"

Letter home

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From a West Virginia FARM KID in Marines (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING )



Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

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quote

"With whatever you do, there is always an afterward. The trick is to get the afterward that you want."

Snow Monster

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Actually it's a railroad crossing in North Dakota

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BLUE BIRD OF “HAPPINESS”? MY ASS!

It's Friggin' Freezing. There's snow up my ass, all the
food's covered with 3 feet of this white shit and you
want ME to sing... what... Anne Murray's "Snowbird"??

PISS OFF!!

Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica and smoke dope!!

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I subscribe to sniglets

Jiffylust (ji’ phee lust) - n. The inability to be the first person to carve into a brand-new beautiful jar of peanut butter.