No ...I been here all along

I can't leave this alone
I have been quiet for awhile
It does me no good to get excited riled
But this just absolutely torques my sphincter

...and the quote:

"I just walked over to Chipotle's for lunch. I caused a lot of havoc as you might expect," the president said. "It had been awhile since I had the burrito bowl, and it was good."

Does this man have a clue what every move he makes outside of the security of the White House or Camp David ...oh, wait, he and his family are too good for Camp David ...does to disrupt the routine activities of the people who have to function in the places he spontaneously visits?

Apparently he does

I've been in a city where the President has made a sojourn on the ground
Everything within a quarter mile ...sometimes often further comes to a complete halt until whatever it is that's planned is no longer a viable plan
Try explaining to a little kid that he can' go to the zoo because the President was there, that he has to stay in his car seat, in the car until the nice policeman says you can move

If that man didn't want to be cooped up (for his own protection, mind you), he should have found a different job

Wherein we find it difficult to get motivated

The blahs have set in big time
The effort to transfer any original idea from that space where ideas originate
Maybe it's a good thing?

The image is for Lime, who has enough difficulties of her own

Road rage

WT...!
I was driving down the expressway
It's kind of like a highway, only there are signals space just far enough apart that you can't maintain anything like a steady speed
I'll take that back
if all of the clowns on the road in front of you are doing 10 mph less than the speed limit, you have to maintain something like a steady speed while you remember every curse word you've ever heard
Anyhow, I was driving along behind this big late model Dodge dually
That's a one-ton pickup to the uninitiated

not the actual vehicle

This clown slowed down for every signal we approached
I mean he slowed way down... from 55 to 15 mph
There was one care between his truck and me
About the third time he slowed I rolled down the window and yelled at the top of my lungs, "IT'S GREEN!!!"
That didn't affect him at all, but I felt much better
So I did it for the next four miles, until he finally came to a full stop at a green light before making a right turn.
I  noticed, as he made his turn, there was a handicap sticker on his license plate

Wyoming

I heard this one myself Told by a Wyoming native

Why don't you want to get sick or hurt after 6pm in Wyoming?
Because all of the veterinarians are closed.

That also brings to an end the jokes about states, unless I get some that aren't rehashes
It isn't that there aren't any more
There just don't seem to be any more original ones

Idaho

Four guys were driving cross country together-one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida and the last one from New York.
A bit down the road the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and begins throwing them out the window.
The man from Iowa turns to him and asks "What the hell are you doing?"
The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have SO MANY of these damned things in Idaho, they're laying on the ground - I'm sick of looking at them!!!"
A few miles down the road, the man from Iowa begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.
The man from Florida asks "What are you doing that for?"
The man from Iowa replies, "Man, we have so many of these damned things in Iowa that I am SICK of looking at them!!"
Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out!

Washington

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Puget Sound , a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Sheriff's Deputies. "We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife", said one of the Deputies.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted. The Deputies looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."

The Deputy said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the Sound." "Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The Deputy continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 10 five pound Dungeness and 6 good-size rock crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Deputy said, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Utah

So!
it appears this thing I started because somebody sent me an email with some jokes about folks in states other than theirs has become a fixation
I shoulda stopped when their jokes were used up
I haven't
We continue

I will preface the following by saying that Utah humor is very limited
Virtually every joke I found related to one of three universities
Most of those were unoriginal

The story, below, was ripped from the front page of a leading SLC newspaper.  Very interesting...

Justice in Salt Lake City... 

Salt Lake City, UT  (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of aSalt Lake County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a courtruling over who should have custody of him.. The boy has a history ofbeing beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody tohis aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiringthat family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible..

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat himmore than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. Whenthe judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boycried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learningthat domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, thejudge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose whoshould have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the childwelfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the BYU Cougars Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Colorado

98% OF AMERICANS SCREAM BEFORE GOING IN THE DITCH ON A SLIPPERY ROAD. THE OTHER 2% ARE FROM COLORADO AND THEY SAY, 'HOLD MY BEER AND WATCH THIS.

Twofer

These could go on for awhile

Nevada and California

 A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.
The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of tequila, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.

The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!!
The Texan replied, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.

A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of wine, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.
The Nevadan couldn't believe this and said "What the heck did you that for?
That was an expensive bottle of wine!
The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of wine and bottles are cheap."

A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a sip, took another sip, then chugged the rest. He then put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his gun, turned, and shot the Californian.
The shocked Texan said "Why in the hell did you do that?"

The Nevadan replied, "Well, in Nevada we have plenty of Californians and bottles are worth a nickel."

New Mexico

This series was to end yesterday
The posts were only going to be about some states in the South
The Oregon post was an anomaly ...one that just happened to appear, if by magic
I love posting derogatory Oregon stuff 
If you were here yesterday, and read the comments, you will understand there was an implied challenge
That's why there is one more today

 A family from New Mexico decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building.
As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The New Mexico redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up.
They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde.
Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

South Carolina

A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Oregon

you just can't make this up

True story... I think

And then there's this

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Florida

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, Then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
And pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Shelby Mustang. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.