We're stickin' our necks out here

For the more adventurous click on the image for the rest of the story
I'm sure I woulda said it

Aw, shoot

Sure Happy IT's Thursday

There's another blogger who uses the same title (more or less) for some of his Thursday blogs. Most of the time he shows more restraint than I. Thus, he is able to post under his own name.

Anyhow, I was thinkin' ...a dangerous pastime for me ...and I remembered some old quotes from when I was a kid. One was from the old original Dragnet (Jack Webb & Ben Alexander). The two detectives were passing some kids a they approached a residence. One of the kids says, "Hey, does your pop work?"
Anther responds, "Nah... he's a cop."
Back then we thought it was kinda funny.

Something else from about that time was an add-on for the Certs commercial:
"Certs is two mints in one. Certs is a breath mint. Certs is a candy mint."
Almost immediately someone would add, "Certs is a rectal suppository."

Don't ask where this came from. I have no idea what jogged those memories.

So you think you're having a bad day.......

Then you step outside of your house........

And look up into the beautiful blue sky..... And see this !!!!!



All of a sudden, that smile comes back to your face and you say to yourself “Now that's a big ass balloon!!!!!” and things don't seem quite so bad!!!!!!

Golf ...again

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for example...
A wife comes home late one night, arriving early from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom."

It was really a golf club

We were talking about golf

Wife’s Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.

I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too"

When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do.

I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.





Husband's Diary:
A four putt, who four putts?

Subject: 2-2-2012

In the coming New Year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.

The other involves a groundhog.

\/

.

Last week, a friend of mine checked into a motel on her 60th birthday. Being somewhat lonely, she thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well-oiled butt.... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I' m ready!! Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."


That's WHY SHE CHANGED MOTELS . . . .





V-word

snapshot

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Today's V-word pretty much says it all

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Time for a break in the action

.

On their way to get married, a young couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a clergyman up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?"

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