This is so bad...

...that I had to post it.




Kurt Vonnegut said -
"One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us."

That's another way of saying, "Everyone serves a purpose, even if it is only to be a bad example."

Tweaks

Though I may not post every day, I cannot leave things alone. I am always fussing with the layout and adding stuff in the sidebar.

Alrighty then

Everybody should go over and visit Doll Face at her blog and wish her a happy birthday tomorrow [Sunday].

I won't have to check the breakers any more

space

This is tame

Ya never know what you'll find in an email

grab bag

There's a blogger who I find pretty funny. Yesterday she posted this.
One day I may figure out the actual difference between a simile and a metaphor [had to actually look up the spelling]. I just know for certain that there are some folks who are really good at them and others, like me, who are challenged. Oh, I use them, but I'll guarantee they aren't original.

The hamsters were quiet yesterday. That's why there was no post. Well, actually about the only thing that came to mind was that I could have named this blog, "Oh, hell yes." Probably very few would have noticed.

Ooh, ooh!

The Checkout Girl has gone and done it now. There are two more places to read her stuff. Find out more at her blog [hint: she posted links today].

And in case anybody doesn't believe me here's that suggestive verification word:

It's some kind of conspiracy

The verification words are becoming more and more difficult.
They used to be simple things like:



Then it became some almost words:


Now it seems to be just plain nonsense:


Maybe someone canit to me?

ramblings

would be a good name for a blog


no caps because there's nothin' profound

Today's quote:

"Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage." ~ Evan Esar


Yeah, I stole it from somebody else's blog.

This came in an email:

"Little Old Lady"
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her.... "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag ..."
"Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game; a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, $20 or off it comes!"
"Well, that seems only fair." laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not everybody pays..."

I think maybe I might need some professional help

"The People of WalMart" website was broken for a few days. What I mean is that if you entered www.peoplewalmart.com you were redirected to some other page. If someone had really, really jonesed for some people of WalMart, they could have done a workaround to get to the site.

Anyway, I digress. While seeking amusement I found another site that is almost the same thing, but with restraint. So check out the Thumper Awards.

make that three

Just opened an email:

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.
'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it!'
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'
Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered, 'Yes, he sure did!'
The little girl looked up at the cop and said: 'Next year tell Santa, The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'

Twofer

I was gonna call it Weird Wednesday. Then I remembered that I didn't post yesterday.

The network coverage of the Winter Olympics didn't show this




...and if you're not into sports there's always this

On Valentines Day

This is for you.
Just look at the picture. The text will only detract from the sentiment.

TRIP TO COSTCO

Once again I have one of my many correspondents to thank for this post:


Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore...

Moral of the story: Better watch what you ask retired people . They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say to mess with people.


Quote for the day:
"Friday the 13th fell on a Saturday this month."
~ Pogo Possum [Walt Kelly]

On the lighter side...

Church Poofer:

An elderly couple are attending church services.

About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband.

It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He scribbles back , "Put a new battery in your hearing aid.."

Sorry!

Reporter to whomever was listening: “Bill Clinton rushed to the hospital.”

Fellow Reporter: “What, an erection lasting longer than four hours?”

This guy's good

If you don't read another post of his read the one at the link... all of it.
Some Cranky Guy

This just in

While catching up with what I missed last week... and this... I about fell off the toilet when I saw this. IMHO it defines LMAO.

Then I came across another one.

The next site had a post about salmonella and wrote of explosive diarrhea. Don't look for a link for that one

Then there's always the Sleep Talkin' Man. I'd like to hear his comments on People of WalMart.

Warning

Mr. Suldog should be warned about this. I think I actually read somewhere that he was one of those so-called submersives. Heck, he even likes his wife... a lot.

Apology

Dear Grandma Toblog,
I am sorry I followed you into WalMart a week ago Monday and took your picture.
Please put me back in the will.
All the best to you and whatshisname.

Ivan

I don't forward emails

I will, however, copy and paste some of what I consider the more entertaining ones here. There are two reasons for this:
1 - I don't believe that forwarding serves any useful purpose when there are other forums available
2 - Original thoughts are not my forte... I seem to have quit having them when I quit drinking
That said, this arrived in my Inbox sometime last week:

I was never a fan of Dr. Oz before, but this may change my mind!! :0)

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all
use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on
the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Oz proclaimed, 'The way to
achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have
never finished.'
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle
of Merlot, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old
Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of
chocolates.
You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now...

Have to catch up now

I haven't been wired for nearly a week. Now there are a ton of blogs to read so that I'm caught up.

quote from the newsroom

"If a homeless person is sentenced to house arrest what do they do? Chain them to a park bench?"

http://overheardinthenewsroom.com/

Someone said I shouldn't give away my sources.
See, y'all when I get back.

BTW...

Going plundering and pillaging for awhile... need some warmth and sunshine. If the places I go have free access and a loaner, there may be a post or two, but I'm not taking this ol' computer because the CAT 5 cable isn't long enough.

"H*ly Sh*t!!!"

If I had told you that there is a picture where purple hair is the least weird thing going on, would you have believed me?

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=9237