A followup

George  Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and
go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what
the phone is  for.

The devil  tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin
asks to  call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished,  the devil informs him that the cost is a million
dollars, so  Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen  Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she is  finished, the devil informs her that the cost
is 6 million  dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally  George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
Whenhe is  finished, the devil informs him that the cost is
$5.00.

When Putin  hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil
why Bush  got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles
and replies,  since Obama took over, the country's gone to
hell, so it's a local  call."

No ...I been here all along

I can't leave this alone
I have been quiet for awhile
It does me no good to get excited riled
But this just absolutely torques my sphincter

...and the quote:

"I just walked over to Chipotle's for lunch. I caused a lot of havoc as you might expect," the president said. "It had been awhile since I had the burrito bowl, and it was good."

Does this man have a clue what every move he makes outside of the security of the White House or Camp David ...oh, wait, he and his family are too good for Camp David ...does to disrupt the routine activities of the people who have to function in the places he spontaneously visits?

Apparently he does

I've been in a city where the President has made a sojourn on the ground
Everything within a quarter mile ...sometimes often further comes to a complete halt until whatever it is that's planned is no longer a viable plan
Try explaining to a little kid that he can' go to the zoo because the President was there, that he has to stay in his car seat, in the car until the nice policeman says you can move

If that man didn't want to be cooped up (for his own protection, mind you), he should have found a different job

Overheard

Soooo...an old BMC*  I served with told me "If your brain worked faster than your mouth, skunk stool, you'd been a (freaking) Masterchief."

I said "If I was half as ugly as you I'D be the poster boy for a prophylactic."

*Boatwains (bosun's) Mate Chief

Don't lose this thought

I don't think I should be laughing

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin , Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge . So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,
"Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear 'sensitive', George also didn't want to miss this 'be-a-legend' opportunity either so he asked..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe... Why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that... And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says,
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.

A modest proposal

I'm sorry for the small print
Just click on the article to enlarge it
That is if you want to read it

Sure... why not