What Kind of Mind Would Paint a Cabbage? - *Note: The events that follow occurred in June 2007, and I wrote about them later that year. This is the first time I’ve publicly shared this story. For...
2 years ago
I told my mother that everyone hates me. She said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have
forgiven your enemies?" .............80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one man..................
An avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when
the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf.
It's good to see you here today.
Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied.
The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell
us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not
have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front
of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation,
and said simply........
"I outlived all them m*** f***ers."
Why don't you want to get sick or hurt after 6pm in Wyoming?
Because all of the veterinarians are closed.
The story, below, was ripped from the front page of a leading SLC newspaper. Very interesting...
Justice in Salt Lake City...
Salt Lake City, UT (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of aSalt Lake County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a courtruling over who should have custody of him.. The boy has a history ofbeing beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody tohis aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiringthat family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible..
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat himmore than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. Whenthe judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boycried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learningthat domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, thejudge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose whoshould have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the childwelfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the BYU Cougars Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
A family from New Mexico decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son.
They go into the Empire State Building.
As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The New Mexico redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up.
They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde.
Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"
"One thing about modern technology that's a little frustrating is that when you think of a really **cool** password for one of your accounts -- you can't tell anybody!!!"--GG