Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Second test of patience

I have a modest proposal. Let me explain.

I am on vacation, traveling all over the place. Mostly I'm visiting friends and family and staying with them. However, occasionally it has been necessary to stay in a hotel. There is a certain affinity I have for a major chain. That has nothing to do with this post.

The other day I mentioned people who cut in and what I think of them. Today I met another ass weasel. This time on an elevator. The missus and I had just checked in and were making our way to the third (and top) floor of the hotel. The elevator made its funny elevator has reached the floor noise and the door opened and we prepared to step off when this clown on a cellphone bull rushed us and attempted to push the button for the ground floor before we could disembark. I mean it was like we weren't even there... WTF! He seemed a bit miffed that we insisted on making him wait while we got off.

Anyhow here's my idea: how about we don't put up with the darn cellphone crap any more. If someone wants to hold a conversation; or text; or check their email, they can do it in private while sitting down so their actions in no way inconvenience or edanger anyone else. And no, we don't need Oprah to have us sign a freakin' pledge. I mean smokers have been ostracized and relegated to the far reaches of society


Further update:

Twice today idiot @$$weasel cellphonies almost had collisions with me. One, because he was looking at oncoming traffic while trying to turn left into a driveway which I was already occupying. the fool was having an animated conversation that I interupted by laying on the car horn. The second was a clown in a van who was stopped at an intersection where I was making a left turn and he started to pull out in front of me as I slowed to make the turn. He never looked to see if anyone was coming from his right while he talked on his phone.

I seem to see a lot more cell phone users endangering people than I do smokers endangering anyone.

Waddayathink?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Checking in

I see that at least one of you is still there... thanks!

I'm really proud of the restraint I showed two weeks ago. I was in the line for the toll booth on a major two digit interstate highway when some moron who wasn't paying attention felt the necessity to jump the line I was in because he hadn't paid attention and found his weasily butt in the FastPass lane. I probably wouldn't have gotten nearly as pissed if the @$$weasel had at least made eye contact before shoving his fender in front of me.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Word for word

I am quoting Dave Barry here:
A QUESTION FOR PEOPLE WHO DESIGN INTERNET ADVERTISING:
When you create ads that not only block our view of whatever site we're trying to look at, but also move around so as to keep blocking our view, do you actually think we're going be receptive to whatever product or service you're trying to sell us? Do you think we go: "Wow! These people are really persevering in their efforts to prevent me from seeing what I am trying to see! I am favorably inclined to give them money!"?

Has it ever occurred to you that our reaction might be: "I would rather French-kiss a moray eel than purchase this service or product"?

Seriously, I'm asking.


Still not where I live

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Where am I

Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough
@ Fast Food Melbourne, Australia

Me: “…and a large Dew.”
Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”
Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”
Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”
Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”
Me: “Ah, sorry?”
Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”
Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”
Me: “Really, it’s fine.”
Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

Friday, August 13, 2010

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Golfer at the Dentist

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Checking in

Had a chance to peruse some stuff. This is pretty funny... at least from where I'm sitting.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Teaser post

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Alice was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom.

Alice was horrified - she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time.

She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself.."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good.”

Don't know exactly when I'll be home or when the next post will be

Sunday, August 1, 2010

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Maybe tomorrow I'm off on vacation?

Robin gifted me this

...and this, too!

Robyn gifted me this

Apryl presented this one

Bacon

Bacon
from Uncle Skip

An award

An award
From A Daft Scots Lass

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"

"...you magnificent ba$tard!"
from Ol' AF Sarge

Put it back where it started!!!

copy this

copy this
stick it anywhere

set things right