.How to get to Heaven from Scotland ...
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday School class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, they all answered 'No!'
I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted,
"Yuv goat tae be fu*in' deid"
Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir e'e....
...and could possible make ya pee, too.