Just another sea story

A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down-and-dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

"I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an a-A-5 pilot, flying off carriers back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Vigi, all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at Officer's Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try.

The seedy old pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.

What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old RECON pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.

It's called, "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You,” he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, "I wrote it myself."

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the RECON pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey, fly boy, the job is yours; but, do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it”, the old Recon pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"

Needs a title

Happy Fourth of July (Independence Day)

Honest question

Which explains why it isn't longer

A followup

George  Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and
go to hell.  While there, they spy a red phone and ask what
the phone is  for.

The devil  tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin
asks to  call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished,  the devil informs him that the cost is a million
dollars, so  Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen  Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she is  finished, the devil informs her that the cost
is 6 million  dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally  George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
Whenhe is  finished, the devil informs him that the cost is
$5.00.

When Putin  hears this, he goes ballistic and asks the devil
why Bush  got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles
and replies,  since Obama took over, the country's gone to
hell, so it's a local  call."

No ...I been here all along

I can't leave this alone
I have been quiet for awhile
It does me no good to get excited riled
But this just absolutely torques my sphincter

...and the quote:

"I just walked over to Chipotle's for lunch. I caused a lot of havoc as you might expect," the president said. "It had been awhile since I had the burrito bowl, and it was good."

Does this man have a clue what every move he makes outside of the security of the White House or Camp David ...oh, wait, he and his family are too good for Camp David ...does to disrupt the routine activities of the people who have to function in the places he spontaneously visits?

Apparently he does

I've been in a city where the President has made a sojourn on the ground
Everything within a quarter mile ...sometimes often further comes to a complete halt until whatever it is that's planned is no longer a viable plan
Try explaining to a little kid that he can' go to the zoo because the President was there, that he has to stay in his car seat, in the car until the nice policeman says you can move

If that man didn't want to be cooped up (for his own protection, mind you), he should have found a different job