The kid next door

If you have seen this post and read the comments, you will understand this picture.

At least I think you will understand?

I was going to post this on Facebook

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Then I remembered I don't have a Facebook page.



Then I remembered I don't even want a Facebook page.


It's bad enough that I have a blog

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Don't ask me why

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No, there wasn't a post yesterday and this might be it for today.

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At the risk of offending someone

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I'm posting this exactly [almost... I left out the graphics] how it appeared in my Inbox

 Pass The Butter .. Please. This is interesting . .. . Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.. DO YOU KNOW.. The difference between margarine and butter? Read on to the end...gets very interesting! Both have the same amount of calories. Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine. Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study. Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.. Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few and only because they are added! Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors of other foods. Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years . And now, for Margarine.. Very High in Trans fatty acids. Triples risk of coronary heart disease . Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol) Increases the risk of cancers up to five times.. Lowers quality of breast milk. Decreases immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the most disturbing fact..... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING! Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC... and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance). You can try this yourself: Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things: * no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something) * it does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value ; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast? Share This With Your Friends......(If you want to butter them up')! Chinese Proverb: When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others. Pass the BUTTER PLEASE

I mean why the heck can't someone send a message in straight unadulterated text? You can imagine how trashy it looked with the graphics added.

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A little Scott Joplin...

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...and for my next trick

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Maybe I mentioned that I don't have a bloglist because...
Well, it doesn't matter any more because the rule's been modified, at least for the moment.
I was blogsurfing and found a post by one of the blogging superstars. Ann of Ann's Rants had a guest poster Monday. So now after you read the guest post, maybe you will understand why Malady is in the sidebar. If you don't, it's okay. It saves us both a little embarrassment.

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Think about it

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An alcoholic was walking down the beach and came across a lantern, he rubbed some of the sand off of it and out came a genie.
The genie said he would grant the man three wishes.
The mans first wish was for an never-ending bottle of whisky,... the genie grants this wish.
The man takes some time and enjoys his first wish, eventually the genie asks him what his second and third wishes are,
the man replies "I'll take two more of these".

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You gotta be kidding me

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There is tons and tons of talk about employers leaving California for greener pastures and taking jobs with them. Here is an example.
I think this article shows there are those who will fill the void with new jobs.

This post is an example of something else. The advantage I have is I can edit.

Rednecks

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Your tax dollars at work

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Don't ask me why

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I only found this post yesterday. I had to tell somebody.

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Forget about reading my first post today

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Go on over an read Jason's post. It will help you get out of yourself.

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Sure Happy It's Thursday

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"The first rubber heel for shoes was patented on January 24, 1899 by Humphrey O’Sullivan. O’Sullivan, an Irish-American, found that his rubber heel outlasted the leather heel then in use."

It's called useless knowledge and I found it on my homepage. I won't vouch for accuracy and spare you any more details... for now.

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Whoa! Hold on there.

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Read somewhere about a controversy over where the Whoopie (Whoopee?) Pie originated, Maine or Pennsylvania? It turns out it may have been neither. I don't much care one way or another. What caught my attention is that the name probably derived from... let me post the quote:

"It is believed they really got their name from the Gus Kahn song" and a popular term used at the time to get around Hollywood censors, says Ms. Griffin.[author Nancy Griffin] It was called: "Makin' Whoopee."

I don't think I'll ever see the Whoopie Pie in quite the same Light again.

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If you haven't already visited here, here, or here, there's little chance this post will have any meaning.

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Magic Lantern

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An alcoholic was walking down the beach and came across a lantern, he rubbed some of the sand off of it and out came a genie.
The genie said he would grant the man three wishes.
The mans first wish was for an never-ending bottle of whisky,... the genie grants this wish.
The man takes some time and enjoys his first wish, eventually the genie asks him what his second and third wishes are, the man replies "I'll take two more of these".

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The best Valentines Day post I ever saw

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It was here. I'm guessing since it has III after the title, there may be two other I haven't seen.

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Just for today

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The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

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Overheard this morning

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"Attending an AA meeting is kinda like going to an orgy...

You feel good afterward, but don't know who to thank."

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Why I don't forward emails and other rants

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If I think something someone sends me is worth someone's time, you will find it posted here.
I stopped forwarding emails awhile back because, despite my request that others do a little housekeeping, they were being sent as a FW: fw; fw; fw-, including all of the previous addressees and senders, and being sent in the open, rather than as blind copy.
Oh, and I was receiving about two-thirds of them via return email in less than a day.

Then there's the stuff that's ALL CAPS.
What is it with some people? Don't they realize that email etiquette applies to everyone?

Also, not even dealing with the Internet, what is it with people who have to go against traffic in stores? Fer chrissakes, you drive down the road on the left right side*... I hope... why do you push your frackin' cart down the left side of the store aisle?
Oh! While you're at it, if you stop for a cell phone call in the store, take it in an out of the way corner. Don't stop and block the aisle.

I saw a fool driving down a four lane street the other day. How do I know he was a fool? It is because he was managing to use up enough of each lane in his direction that nobody could get by even though he was traveling at about 20 MPH in a 40 MPH zone.
BTW- fool is not the word I used to first describe him. Moron was my first choice. Then I determined that I was insulting marginalizing morons.

I am gonna quit digging now, before the hole gets any deeper.

*left and right have always been an issue for me
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Sure Happy It's Thursday

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Some bloggers are able to explain in detail how they have nothing to post. They are able to scribble [sic] as many as three or four paragraphs. On the other hand yours truly can barely come up with three sentences.

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What comes before Thursday

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A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned
to help the other monks in copying the old texts by
hand. He notices, however, that they are copying
from copies, not the original manuscripts.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask
him about this, pointing out that if there were an
error in the first copy, that error would be continued
in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk says, "We have been copying from
the copies for centuries, but you make a good point,
my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one
of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks
goes downstairs to look for him. Hearing sobbing coming
from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning
over one of the original books crying. He asks the old monk
what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply,

"The word is celebrate."

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School Days

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I only have a vague recollection of how it came about. The three of us, Mel, Bugs, and I, became the sole members of an exclusive club in junior high.
Back in those days all of the cool guys wore Levi's. Back in those days there was only one style of Levi's. We didn't know from 501s, but that's what they were. There were a couple of other things about those Levi's, too. They didn't get washed. They could stand up by themselves. They were always worn with a white tee shirt tucked in. They were worn as low on the butt as possible. Oh, yeah we were so cool.
It started out one morning at recess. Someone pantsed somebody else. It was easy enough. The darn things already had a good start towards the ankles. This event was observed by someone else who, in turn pantsed another. It was almost an epidemic. Then as suddenly as it started, it ceased. The very next morning, Bugs (don't call him Bugsy) started it off by pantsing Mel, whose Levi's were so loose Bugs almost lost his balance. I was just standing almost minding my own business, but I laughed. In fact I laughed a lot. Mel came up swinging after he'd regained altitude on his britches.
This was all observed by Mrs. Doberman, the part-time Vice Principal. She spent part time at our school and part time at the other junior high in the district. When she wasn't here Mr. Whiney, who was okay, was at the school.
Mel's swing had found its target. It landed dead center in the middle of my face, attempting to flatten my nose. The pain was tremendous, but there was no other damage. Maybe if there's been blood I might have gotten sympathy.
Mrs. Doberman escorted the three of us to The Office, where we were told to sit and wait while our fates were determined by the Principal, whose name escapes me. I only remember that he was the tallest person I'd ever met up to that time. I also remember that I was glad my fate wasn't in the hands of the weasily little Napoleon who'd been principal at the elementary school. The Principal conferred with Mrs. Doberman and our respective teachers for what seemed like hours, but couldn't have been more than minutes because recess hadn't ended yet. Finally, they came out of his office and we were sent in. We stood in front of his desk. He stood behind it, his head seemingly almost touching the ceiling. He stared at each of us in turn, first Mel, then me, finally Bugs, and then pronounced the sentence. Every day for the rest of the school year, we were to report to the office at the beginning of each recess and lunch period and stay until such time as we were released from custody by whoever had the duty that day. The only exception was we were allowed to go to the restroom, one at a time.
The three of us became pretty good friends, which, because we were in different classrooms, probably would not have happened.
Oh! And somehow none of our parents were ever informed.

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Mondays

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I am sure happy the Pirates made a game of it in the World Series Steelers at least made the Super Bowl game interesting yesterday. It seems it is always more interesting to watch a game when the outcome is in doubt up to the end. The only folks who seem to enjoy a blowout are the fans of the team doing the scoring.

And just think... if the outcome had been decided before the half, there would be one heck of a lot of sponsors out there wish they had saved the money they used to buy spots during the last half.
Speaking of money, Christina should have spent some to buy the sheet music for the national anthem... or at least Googled.

Before the game I was watching the patriotic show where they had folks from all over the country doing a recitation alongside footballers. At one point they were inside a warehouse with a bunch of people in lime green shirts. I heard somebody else ask, "Who are they?"
The response was, "Those are the real Green Bay Packers."

Someone else said the Packers deserved to win because of all the money they save us. Another person wanted to know why. It seems that if the Packers had lost two weeks ago, the Chicago Bears would have been in Dallas. The President is a fan of the Bears and would have attended. Imagine what the cost of security would be.

I am so ready for baseball.

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The Collar

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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

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Well, that explains it

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After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"
God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"
Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"
God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."
Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

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Not for human consumption

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I read yesterday that The internet has (kind of) run out of space.
It's probably because of all the bloggers who, like me, think they should post something almost every day?

There was something I was going to say, too... darn twaddle fleeting thoughts.

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Sure Happy It's Thursday

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"You can't think your way into right acting, but you can act your way into right thinking."
~ Mr. Sponsorpants

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Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a Story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists, finding of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers"

One week later. A local newspaper in Texas reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Maypearl , Texas , Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless".

Just makes a person proud to live in Texas