So that's what happened to...

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very
depressed because he had loved to play Golf ..
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator
and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge
looking down and saw this man skipping along whistling and kicking up his
heels.

He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He
started thinking, What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still
have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping
down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how
glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly
and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving
his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on
with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels
again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy."

"My balls itch."

Funny

How does that happen?
I mean there a post I didn't write that has become one of my most popular (by pageviews) in recent times, by day, week, and month
There are even three comments
At least nobody can say it was in poor taste

Words escape me

World's tallest tree falls

Tomorrow's post now!



Yeah there's more to the story but I like the way it ends here

100 things to do before you die

I wanna see the rest of the list

Someone said this was 'Brilliant'

Who am I to argue with that?

Much better

On to the next thing

Okay, we had the moment of silence that I think was entirely appropriate ...if a little late

Now let's concern ourselves with what the NCAA Commissioner's done
First off, I in no way, shape, or form condone any of what happened at Penn State
But, to my way of thinking, it appears the claw end of a framing hammer has been used to nail down the situation
An excavator's been used instead of a hand trowel

The culture of the NCAA Large Schools created the environment where this situation arose and the school's administrators stuck their heads in the sand to protect themselves so they could seek the prize

The prize is the National Championship, the opportunity to play in the BCS ...the freakin' money

So who's really being punished by the NCAA? Not the folks who're responsible

Mostly it's the young folks who bust their tails and help make the money the schools are coveting
Oh sure, they can transfer without penalty
Who're they kidding?
Is the NCAA making room for those kids on other campuses?

I ultimately blame the NCAA because they hijacked the fun the students were having to make money for the schools

The NCAA is embarrassed so they coerce a school, which richly deserved some punishment, into accepting a terrible fate from which it may never recover

Are they going to investigate to see if any similar incidents occurred at any other schools? No, they're gonna hope that if it did happen, nobody'll step forward and report it

Are they gonna eliminate the incentives that make such cover up attempts tempting? No, they're gonna increase the number of BCS games

Effin hypocrites
Just remember when you point a finger at someone, there are three more pointing back at you
So ask, "What's my part in this?" Then act appropriately

So that's what happened to Vern

Vern works hard at the Phone Company but spends
Two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every
Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard,
So for his birthday she takes him to a local
Strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Vern! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to
This club before.

"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league ."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern
If he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable
And says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club.
I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her
Arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all
Over him and says...
"Hi Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious,

Grabs her purse and
Storms out of the club.

Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in
Beside her.
Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper
Must have mistaken him for someone else,
But his wife is having none of it

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,
Calling him every 4 letter word in the book..

The cabby turns around and says,

'Geez Vern, you picked up a real bitch this time.'
VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD
THIS COMING TUESDAY.

Sounds about right

Maybe this will help?

Really?
Well, it can't hurt to click the image (no, it doesn't get any larger)

And suddenly it came to me

I had no idea what I was gonna post today
Thank goodness for other bloggers


clicking the image will take you to the post

Which begs the question...

Huh?

WT...?

Ponder this

This was also up there, too
I considered the question and realized the allegations stopped sometime during the late sixties when nobody did anything about them

Dang!

Do you know what we missed yesterday?

click on the image

Evidently it's an annual thing

Satisfaction Guaranteed

A customer walks into a restaurant and
notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If
we fail to fill your order!

When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant
nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order
and walks into he kitchen where all hell breaks
loose!

The restaurant owner comes storming out of
the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table,
slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You
got me this time buddy, but I want you to know
that's the first time in ten years we've been out
of rye bread!"

Hey kids, what day is this?

Oh, Canada

A man and his wife moved back home to Newfoundland, from Vancouver.
The wife had a wooden leg and the premium to insure it in BC was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in Newfoundland, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Newfoundland to insure, because it cost him $2000.00 in BC !!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:
*Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.*'
I always did find the Newfoundland Logic far superior to most others.

Is it true they call them newfondlers?

...and get off yer cell phone!

This is me

Really... it's one of the nicer things I say when driving

Uh, oh!

Somebody's messin' with the settings here at the "Well"
Yeah, it's me
Plain ol' sans serif just doesn't cut it ...too formal like punctuation

Wait! There's more

A man goes to see the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.. You want my advice?
The man said, "Yes;"
The Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."



John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob.."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

Haw!

This has been around before via email
I can't resist posting it

-*0*-

After Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!

That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. "Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But, I wouldn't have something so indulgent!"

Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, Bill had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled and said to Bill:
"I found out who peed in your saxophone."

'nother funny

ROFL

I'd watch that match

I miss Abbott & Costello

I learned a new word yesterday

Fissiparous - feel free to use it where applicable

This morning

I failed my driver's test.
The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?"
I said, " I don't know... look around, listen to the radio..."

This is even better'n yesterday's

Gonna take the weekend off IV

Gonna take the weekend off III