Directions

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "You're bullshitting me, right? You don't even know the way to the Post Office”

I'm breaking a rule today

For one thing this is fully plagiarized

No it isn't
Because I'm not taking credit for it

It's that language thing I try, at all cost, to avoid
I am making an allowance here
Because it's funny

$$$$$ #*@^##!

And then the Pres. and family can go to Hawaii

Now I remember what I loved about working retail

Within the theme of this time of year ...barely

Merry

Has it really been almost a week?

So... I was looking at the stats page awhile ago
It's been awhile since traffic was up, probably because I haven't posted
This morning it showed a pretty good bump in page views
Upon checking a little further I found that 64% of those views were from the Ukraine
Now I have a question
Why do we say, "the Ukraine" when we don't say the England, or the Russia, or the China, or the Canada
Then I realized we say "the United States"
So I thought maybe it's countries that start with "U"
But we don't say "the Uganda"


But there are more important things

So first things first
I saw this and, well, you know how this mind works...

...it hasn't improved much, people!



Then there's

It could be a solution to item #1



I could have lived a lifetime without ever seeing this, ever



In closing, I have a little story...

Three Holy Men and a Bear

A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University.

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, a parishioner made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods and found me a bear. I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.

In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed,  'Well,brothers, I went out and I found  me a bear, and, you know, we Baptists don't sprinkle!. So I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another and down another until we came to a creek. There, I quickly dunked him under and BAPTIZED him. It was amazing, just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.  We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Takin' a day off ...or so

this may be the last time

Random screen capture

From my inbox

But wait, there's more!

'nuff said

Huh?

Words fail me
Let's send out that thing from yesterday's post
Whose idea was that anyway?

Take that

Now that's scary

I am not a pimp

I owe Suldog something
I don't know why
I don't know what
Oh, yeah ...now I remember
He's defined me
I'm a demented bastard, and he never fails to remind folks
So he recently* became self-employed**
He can't afford an agent
Demented bastards are similar to agents, except they work for free

He (Suldog) is in the Boston Herald
Go see this
Read it
Then sign up and tell them you enjoy reading his stuff in their newspaper

Suldog also writes stuff for Funny Times, but they're not online so you have to subscribe
He even had something in Discover
He gets paid for that
Go figure

You can also find him here

*it's a relative term
**it's also a relative term

No, no, no, not ever, never

You can turn off you "Caps Lock" now

I forgot how irritating it is to see something typed out in all caps
One of the drawbacks to the font I use here on the blog is I don't have a lot of formatting options like other fonts
Italic and bold hardly show, and resizing doesn't work at all
That's probably a really good thing
That is why on a number of occasions the font is changed to another style

Besides a picture is worth a thousand words and the font doesn't matter

tODAY i iNTERNATIONAL cAPS lOCK dAY

Prague

mY ONLY WISH IS THAT
WAS THE pOTOMAC rIVER

Brilliant

I hope Skip or Buck doesn't get this first

Give all holidays their due

From where I see it, Halloween's being overlooked by corporate because they're so obsessed with the winter holiday
After Halloween and Veterans Day, Thanksgiving Comes First

This just in...

itsa buncha crap

Lookit what our so-called government representatives have actually accomplished

First, ask yourself what the date is
Okay, it's the 14th of October, a Monday
There's your first clue something's up
Monday, that is
Many, many memorable events took place on this date
What are we celebrating?
Columbus Day
WTF!!!
The man who conned the King and Queen of Spain into financing a number of misguided expeditions ...he was lost, folks... was born on October 12
Yeah, he made a discovery
He just didn't know what it was
On top of that, his discovery helped wipe out whole civilizations on two continents

But that's not my complaint
It's how the maroons in DC can't do what they're supposed to do
But they can fart around with the calendar and foist faux holidays on us
I'm not sayin' don't acknowledge the lost Italian
Just do it right
They've made it more about a day off, which more people than not ignore, than about an event
The folks who do take the day off don't have anyplace to visit because all the really neat places are run by the Feds who've closed them, or they're like Legoland, which is too expensive

In another couple of weeks the clocks get messed with
I'm pretty sure daylight savings has outlived its usefullness
What is it about so-called representatives that makes them think they have to leave some kind of legacy?
They should open the eyes and see the legacy left by others
And they should open their freakin' ears and listen to the folks who elect them ...not the folks who paid them to run
They have to stop trying to be lawmakers
They really need to clean up their mess and the messes left by their predecessors

Buck like to say, "GOML!" 
I say, "Get off your phone!"

--


Go read Courage
Then think about all the folks you know to whom this applies


--


Did anyone see the Patriots and Red Sox dismantle their opponents at the last minute yesterday?
That was kinda fun for some, not so much for others

Hey! I had to lighten up a little

Yeah, yeah, I know this is way late

But I only saw it this morning
And the only reason I have any interest is because of the Cranky Old Man
He is rather fond of these creatures
Or, he at least gave than impression



I couldn't find one smaller
Oh, and this is still Uncle Skip's fault

What do you know

It's totally nuts just about all over

If I still used colorful language, I'd say something like, "F_ _ _, f_ _ _, f_ _ _!"
I won't go into a lot of detail
But add this onto all the other crap going on

...officials at Weber Middle School in Port Washington are worried that students are getting hurt during recess. Thus, they have instituted a ban on footballs, baseballs, lacrosse balls, or anything that might hurt someone on school grounds.

Or as it was succinctly put:

School Bans Fun

 F_ _ _, f_ _ _, f_ _ _!

It's all politics, folks, and politics has been corrupted beyond the pale

sorely tempted to actually type the words and just strikethough

Read more here: http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/#storylink=cpy

Yep, yep, yep

Wha...!

Two things

This

and

Why We Need Gun Control

A man walked  into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver around and  yelled,
 "Who in here  has been screwing my wife?"

A voice from  the back of the bar yelled back, "You're gonna need more  ammo!"

Washington doesn't get it #2

Washington doesn't get it

It's everywhere
It's almost anarchy
Nobody's listening because they're all talking

What a bunch of maroons!

Or, choose your own

Wherein we find it difficult to get motivated

The blahs have set in big time
The effort to transfer any original idea from that space where ideas originate
Maybe it's a good thing?

The image is for Lime, who has enough difficulties of her own

Editorial comment

This is for Suldog

Because I give a rat's ass


full story (first line of the fourth paragraph)


This is for Uncle Skip

I still got nothin'

Oh wait (yeah... it's a coupla weeks old)
I can share this

Now this makes perfect sense

Apple unveiled the lastest iPhone

Enjoy

So true

A new season's started

Go ahead and blow it up embiggen it

Thought about posting this (whatever you do, Buck, don't watch this video)
Decided it's been done enough

Let this be the last of this

Lazy

I had nothin'
So I stole this from...

Talking out of turn

Somebody wrote a post about the current crisis developing over the situation in Syria.
In my considerable lifetime I have observed Syria and come to the conclusion it is one of the most belligerent countries (after N. Korea) on the face of the Earth.

There is a strong possibility that, if we are expecting the leaders of the Powers the Be to do something, they will look for a consensus and whatever is done will be too little, too late, and there will be much regret in the end.
The current leaders are what we have left after the people who are most qualified decided they don't need the grief one must go through to be elected leader.

Much, if not all of the strife, the despair, the hate and discontent in Syria, and other parts of the Middle East and parts of South Asia could have been avoided if nobody had meddled there in the first place.
There is also that religion thing over there that somehow rewards intolerance of other beliefs.
It seems our leaders (meaning the West) can't perceive anything from anywhere but their own point of view.
So they will never understand how those we are intent on creating nations for don't see things the same way.
I think our leaders need to be reminded those folks were there and even a little civilized long before we stopped being tribal ourselves.

So, what do I think we should do?
Well, it might help to just keep it from spreading outside of the current bounds.
Like fighting a wildfire.
Keep it contained.
That may not be the most humanitarian thing for the innocents involved.
But it could help in the long run to keep more innocents from becoming victims.
We can always send a CARE package.

I honestly don't trust any of the world leaders to make a right decision.
  

Vegetarians

This reminds me that summer is almost over

...and then I saw...

To the best of my knowledge this is not an impersonator

nor is it photoshopped

I would bet, though, there is a reasonable explanation

Something I saw on a blog today

This...

...reminded me of this

The OldAF Sarge gets the blame credit for the inspiration

Sounds about right

". . . because we don't want to see you in too much detail"

Unh!

Why?

I can think of no reason whatsoever to consider such a journey, particularly since I have no desire to visit either location.

Thptttttttt!

Oldy

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of The long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say. But you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it."

It's for vegetarians

They will find you

This is SHARK WEEK!

Full story here